Her hands were steady. Her face was composed. She was not going to fall apart in front of the entire Chattanooga supernatural community.
But inside, she was a mess, and she needed to get that under control before everyone within a hundred yards scented it.
The man she loved had been across the table from her, and they’d had to pretend it meant nothing.
She’d understood on a logical level why the guy in 1984 admitting that two-plus-two-equals-five changed everything, but she hadn’t truly understood it until this moment. The situation had forced two people who love each other to deny who they are to each other. To fuckingabjureeach other.
And that moment changedeverything.
She’d watched him from a distance, earlier. Cutting up with his biker friends. He called them his brothers, and she thought she got that a little more, watching them all move through the crowd with their matching vests, talking to most everyone here.
She saw the way people moved to him to talk to him, the way he listened when someone spoke.
And it struck her, the camaraderie of these men who’d chosen each other and meant it. The casual physical language of a group that’d likely been through things together she couldn’t comprehend.
Things the man she loved couldn’t share with her.
Her grandmother had told her he wouldn’t be the same man without his club, and again, Tuesday hadn’t fully understood it at the time.
But watching him with his people, she got it.
He’d grown up sheltered from the world, living in practically another universe, and somehow, when he’d gone out into the world to live his life, he’d found another family. He’d found his people.
Take the club away and she’d lose the man she’d fallen in love with.
But this wasn’t working. Not being able to acknowledge each other wasn’t… relationships can’t survive under those conditions.
And that was fine when it was just supposed to be fuckbuddies, but it’d grown into more than that.
She didn’t want a version of him that’d given this up, but she also couldn’t justleavethe pack. Any thoughts she’d hadabout that’d been erased Saturday when most everyone had at least stopped by to wish her grandmother a happy birthday. The pack was her family just as Knife’s club was his.
But she couldn’t keep doing this.
She had one more goodbye in her, and it was going to have to be the last one.
And this week would be the time to do it. She’d been trying to figure out how to get home to see him between some major trips. Two weeks in New York, a few days between, then a week in Paris, followed by nearly three weeks in Miami. She’d been working on how to get home on Mondays, but it would be easier, and a helluva lot cheaper, to just stay gone the whole time. Nearly two months.
She wouldn’t leave for New York for nearly two weeks, but she could find something to do between. The little spa she liked in upstate New York was probably booked, but she was willing to bet she could find one that wasn’t.
And with that, she dug into her plate and rejoined the conversation around her, determined to at least participate in the rest of the day. This was her chance to spend time with people from other groups that she rarely saw.
She’d cry later.
Chapter 34
Knife’s heart sank to his feet when he saw her text.
“Can you let me know when you leave the clubhouse to head home, and then meet me somewhere? The mall parking lot will work if that’s okay with you. We need to have a fast conversation.”
She’d sent it an hour earlier, but he’d left the phone he used for her in his truck, so he didn’t see it until he was ready to head home.
And he knew what this meant. She was going to tell him this wasn’t working.
So he didn’t respond to her right away. He drove home, got on his bike, andthentold her he was headed that direction.
Because once they were no longer an item, he wasn’t going to be able to go back home right away. He packed some clothes, knowing in his heart he’d be spending theweek at the clubhouse. He kept clothes in his room, and an extra set of his toiletries, but he’d need more.
She merely texted back, “I’ll be in the SUV, near PF Chang’s.”
