“You reminded me to focus on pretty things,” I explained. “It helps me... when I feel down. Do you like it?” I felt momentarily unsure, standing exposed in front of him while he was still fully dressed.
He bent down and placed a kiss on the tattoo. Then he stood back up and reached for my hand, placing it on the front of his jeans where his growing erection now strained against the zipper.
“What do you think?” he asked devilishly.
His fingers touched under my chin, and his eyes met mine once again. He suddenly sobered.
“I love everything about you.”
His words activated something in me, and I couldn’t keep my hands off him a moment longer. This man and his words. I tugged frantically, urging his clothes off. I needed to touch him—everywhere—and have him touching me. The room melted away as we found each other, frantic fingers and sloppy kisses, trying desperately to make up for so many weeks apart. I couldn’t ever remember a time I felt such desperate need.
We used our bodies to tell each other how badly we’d missed each other. Our rhythmed movements felt like a musical score, rapidly increasing in pace until we reached a crescendo.
“More,” I begged him, “Now.”
I groaned as he slipped inside me, the feel of his skin against my skin. “Wait,” I gasped. In our rush we hadn’t rolled on a condom.
He quickly pulled back out and rolled one on his length. My heart sped back up as he began a steady rhythm, pleasing me the way only he knew how until we both fell over the edge.
As we came down from the high, I slipped quietly to the bathroom, my heart thudding furiously.
Panic swelled inside me as I returned to the bed. My mind was a runaway train, but Cade seemed his same composed self. I had an IUD, so I knew we were probably fine, but still...
I couldn’t meet his gaze. I needed time to process the huge step we’d just taken—a step we hadn’t even discussed.Was he really—completely—okay?Unable to sift through my anxious thoughts, I turned over and pretended to sleep.
Most of the night sleep evaded me, my mind twisting and forming new and more complicated patterns the longer the clock ticked by. I slipped out of bed before him the next morning, and left him sleeping.
The partythe next day was awkward, at least between Cade and me. I tried to focus on celebrating Ivy and on playing hostess to our guests. But Cade could tell something wasn’t right, that I was shying away from his touch and avoiding meeting his eyes. He tried to pull me aside several times, but I side-stepped him, engaging in conversation with one of our party guests, refilling drinks, or running inside for snacks. The lack of sleep meant I was faking my way through the party even more than I would be typically, and my thoughts were a completely muddled mess.
I walked past my mom holding Ivy, and she motioned for me to stop and chat.
“It’s strange, but she looks so much like you at that age. The dark hair and eyes,” she murmured. “Just beautiful.”
I touched her elbow and forced a smile.
I busied myself refilling the snacks. A bit later I looked over and saw Ivy in Cade’s arms. She adored how playful he always was with her—he always made her giggle. My heart, which had been throbbing painfully all day, felt like it thudded even harder seeing the adorable picture they made together.
Suddenly instead of Ivy, I pictured a little girl that was the mirror image of Cade in his arms. I could so clearly see that for him, someday, but—I wasn’t sure it was with me who completed the picture with him.
It was too soon, right? To be sure? We’d known each other our whole lives, but this part of our relationship was still fresh. We lived on opposite sides of the country, for crying out loud. I shook my head, dislodging the mental images.
After the party guests left, Cade pulled me aside in the back yard. Owen was cleaning up the kitchen and Whit had slippedinside with Ivy, so it was just the two of us. Cade sought my eyes, his uncharacteristically serious.
“Brooke, tell me. Tell me what I did.” He looked nervous, so far removed from his usual confident demeanor.
“This all just feels like it’s moving really fast...” I looked around the yard, as if searching it for answers.
“What does? Our relationship? Babe—we haven’t seen each other in months. I know the setup isn’t ideal.” Frustration leached from his voice.
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m going to figure something out. We’ll see each other more. I promise.” He reached for my hand, but I pulled it away.
“How, Cade?” I snapped, my mind spiraling into darkness. “We live on opposite coasts,three-freaking-thousand milesapart. If we continue trying to make this work, one of us is going to have to give up the life we’ve built.”
“The distance is hard,” he agreed. “But I know we can do it. Just for a little while longer. I’m going to try to?—”
“It isn’t just that,” I insisted, cutting him off. My voice grew stronger. “You should be with someone healthy. Someone who isn’t—broken...”
Shoulders slumped, I cast my eyes down to the grass.
