“This is all wrong.” Lyra shook her head, horrified to find tears starting to roll down her cheeks. She didn't know the last time she cried in front of someone. She wasn't sure she'd ever cried in front of a man. It wasn't what sirens did.
“Is it?” Theo smirked, apparently more pleased with himself than Lyra was.
“Theo, I?—”
“Yes,” Theo cut her off with a playful roll of his eyes. “You were going to give me to Cliodhna. I know.”
“I don't understand how that doesn't bother you. You should hate me.”
“You didn't do it because you wanted to.” Theo shrugged, searching her face as if he could find the source of her resistance. “You were backed into a corner, Lyra. You're a victim in this too.”
Lyra froze, her body tensing as she tried to back out of Theo's arms.
“No, I'm absolutely not. If that's what you think, you should leave.”
Her words were harsh, turning to ice as quickly as water in winter. Theo stared at her with an absurd amount of patience. She didn't know where it came from or what possessed Theo, but Lyra had never met a man who was so stubborn.
“Lyra,” Theo demanded softly. “It’s okay. Cliodhna has you captive just like she does your sister. You can see that, right? From where I'm standing, she backed you into a corner. And even then, with your life and your sister's on the line, you told the truth.” The way Theo explained it put it so clearly. It made sense. It gave Lyra an out. It still didn't sit right with her.
“I was going to kill you, Theo,” she said it again, as if repeating it would make it stick in his head. “You shouldn't want anything to do with me. Your brother would be furious.”
Theo let out a sad laugh. “My brother really has never had much overview into my life. As much as I'm happy we've reunited, I don't exactly plan on giving him the reins to all my decisions.”
Lyra crossed her arms, opening her mouth with a rebuttal when Theo sighed exaggeratedly. He covered her mouth with his hand, watching in amusement as Lyra's eyes widened in shock. She was stunned silent for a second, which was enough for Theo to make his point.
“I think you hate yourself enough for the both of us, don't you?”
The words hit Lyra like lightning. She could feel her defenses weakening, a horrid realization of her own self-flagellation like ice in her veins. She was frozen for a horrid, long minute, before she nearly fell to her knees. Theo scooped her up and carried her towards the bed, sitting down on the edge and adjusting her in his lap as Lyra started to cry.
“No, stop it,” she protested weakly, trying to detangle herself from Theo's touch. Her movements were half-hearted, and she gave up quickly.
“It's okay, Lyra,” Theo insisted.
He started working his fingers through her long hair, humming to himself under his breath. Lyra didn't know it was possible for her heart to break even further, but there it went. The walls that had taken her years to put up had finally come tumbling down, and Theo was to blame for it.
“None of this is o-okay,” Lyra sniffled, starting to cry harder. She cried for her sister; she cried for Theo, and even though she didn't want to admit it, she was crying for herself. It was an impossible position she'd been put in since the very beginning, and she'd refused to ever see herself as weak. That meant painting herself as the villain, which wasn't untrue, but it was perhaps only one small part of the picture. Theo's acceptance of her felt radical in a way that only love could, and it cut her to the very quick.
The only thing scarier than Cliodhna to Lyra, in that moment, was how far gone she was for Theo. There was no turning back now, so she cried even harder, knowing there wasn't a future for them. No matter how this played out, even if they all got their happy endings, Lyra knew she'd never be welcome in Calum's family.
“Everything is going to work out.” Theo was still whispering sweet nothings, words of encouragement that didn't feel empty. That might be what frightened Lyra the most about Theo.
She'd been with plenty of lovers over the years. Even as standoffish as she was, she was no stranger to love and sex, even intimacy. Most men and women went through the motions. They knew the right things to say, where to touch, how to look at you in just the right way. Lyra had become an expert at sussing out the practiced motions from the authentic ones, and the latter were few and far between. Not when it came to Theo. His heart was on his sleeve, in a way she'd never seen with anyone, and he meant everything he did.
Including now, holding her in his lap and playing with her hair. Lyra snorted her way through a sob, a very ugly sound that would horrify her whenever she looked back on this moment, as she tried to remember the last time someone had played with her hair.
Sirens weren't pack creatures. They didn't have too many familial bonds. Lyra's connection to her sister was uncommon for their kind. They didn't thrive on touch as much as fae or pack life and community like wulvers did. But Lyra had always,always, melted whenever someone played with her hair. It was a little bit cliche—humans had a lot of stories about mermaids and their hair—but damn it, it was soothing.
Lyra tried to surrender to the moment as best she could, letting herself cry and lean into Theo's touch.
The boat rocked side to side, and Theo didn't move until long after Lyra had fallen asleep in his arms.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Theo gently dislodged Lyra from his grip, holding his breath. When she didn't stir or wake, he exhaled in relief, quietly slipping from the room. He forced himself to shut the door behind him, refusing to look back at Lyra's sleeping face.
“Fuck,” Theo muttered under his breath, dragging a hand down his face. He meant what he said to Lyra. He didn't hold it against her. If her sister was being held hostage, then Lyra was also a hostage in a different way. He would do the same for Calum. He just didn't know if Calum would do the same thing for him just yet.
No.He'd do anything for you,Theo tried to remind himself. He's already proven that. Maybe that's the scariest part.
