Evelyn sounds so much like me, it leaves me speechless. I recognize the setting of the photograph right away. From the placement of the windows to the staircase in the background, it’s quite clear the photograph was taken at home. Their home.My home. The same staircase I slid down as a child, the same windows I peer through to watch a thunderstorm. They’ve always been with me. Perhaps I’ve never truly been alone.
My voice breaks slightly. “They’re lovely,” is all I can muster with a grateful smile. What a gift it is to meet my family, even more so to see myself in them, in their physical appearance and their character. It comforts me to know that perhaps some of the way I am isn’t because of any trauma, but that it runs in the family.
The bugle calls for dinner, interrupting my gaze upon the photo of my great-grandmother and her twin sister. I quickly hand the locket back to Violet and try to compose myself. I don’t want to scare her off with my emotions. “Thank you for sharing this with me. Perhaps I will see you again tomorrow?”
“That would be lovely. Good day, Alice.” Violet smiles as John and Ben approach to escort us back to our cabins before dinner.
We reach our cabin, and I quickly kick off my shoes. I need a moment's rest without them. They’ve been hurting all day. I like to wiggle my toes when I’m fidgeting, and these shoes do not allow even the tiniest space for movement.
Ben stands in the doorway between his room and mine, removing his jacket and tie while recounting his day to me.
“John was really nice. He’s a funny guy. Not at all arrogant, like some of these people. How was his wife? Violet, right?”
“She’s just lovely.” My voice sounds like I’m in awe of her, which truthfully, I am.
“It’s wild. She has the same eyes as you. I had to do a double-take when you introduced us. With a resemblance like that, you’d think you were family.” He says it so innocently, as if genuinely surprised by how similar two strangers can look.
There’s no getting around this now, I suppose, and I’m a terrible liar. I start to squirm and fumble with my hands before looking up at Ben.
“She’s my great-great-grandmother, Ben.”
Ben’s eyes widen in shock. “You never told me you had…” His voice trails off as he looks at me with a confused expression.
“I’ve never told anyone. I didn’t even tell Dr. Conrad. I never expected to know her, let alone find her.”
Worry settles into Ben’s face. “Ali...” He wipes his hand over his mouth. He seems stressed but also as if he’s unsure of what to say. It’s not like me to keep things from him.
“Don’t worry, you can save the lecture. I know I can’t tell her anything. It would put my existence into question if I did and anything in her life were to change.” I try to reassure him as best I can. I’m not about to risk anything.
Ben nods and I am grateful he doesn’t scold me further. “What happens to her? Do you know?”
I nod slowly. “She will make it off the ship. But John… he won’t survive.”
Ben’s shocked expression turns to sadness. “Oh, Ali. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have kept it from you or Dr. Conrad. It was wrong and I know that. I think once I had my mind set on coming, I didn’t want anything to prevent it from happening. I was finally doing something brave, and I just didn’t want it taken away. I assumed he would do some kind of background check or look through records and see I had a relation here and immediately disqualify me from the project. When that never happened, it just became easier to not mention.”
“I’m just sad for you. You’ve found her, a piece of your family. It’s another person for you to lose, and that worries me, Ali. You’ve already endured more pain and loss than I think is fair to one person.”
“I appreciate that, Ben. I really do. But I promise you, I’m okay.” I lock my eyes on him so he can see how serious I am and that this isn’t a protective front I’m putting up. “I’ve always known what happens to her and John. I wish it could be different. And I know for the sake of my existence that I can’t alter their lives. So for now, I’ll just enjoy the time I have with them and I just have to be content with that.”
Chapter Thirteen
Electric Touch by Taylor Swift ft. fall out boy
April 11, 1912
I dress for dinner in a dark blue crystal beaded gown that has loose sleeves and a multi-layered skirt that cascades down to the floor. I slip on black shoes when I hear a knock at Ben’s door.
I can hear Edward standing in the hallway. “Mr. Turner, I was wondering if I might escort Miss Alice to dinner this evening.”
I know we’re stuck dining with him again, but I don’t want to walk with him, too. I hate the idea of being seen on his arm, parading me around as if I was another object he owns.
“Oh, I’m sure she would be delighted,” Ben replies, to my horror. I glance over and Sarah is looking at me apologetically. She dislikes him as much as I do. She has the luxury of gossip from the other maids and staff, and they do not hold back on his arrogance.
Ben enters my room to give me the news, but I greet him with an icy stare. He knows he’s in trouble. “Al, what was I supposed to say?”
Eric stands behind him, knowing there is no other option. “Ali, what choice did he have? We have to play whatever hand is dealt to us, and right now, he’s it.” I appreciate how well Eric and Ben get along, but I hate being outnumbered. Especially when I know Ben is right.
