I squeeze him. “Me too.”
We stand here for a few minutes, just holding each other. I can feel the beat of his heart descend from a rapid pace to one more calm. He finally pulls back but keeps his hands on my arms. We’re both still clearly hurt by the sting of our exchanged words; however, we recognize the love and respect between us is more powerful than anything else. Neither of us wants to lose the other, and I personally cannot bring myself to continue to hurt him.
“You know I’ve got you, always. You’ll always have me.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’ve got to get back on deck before they wonder why I’m taking so long. Are you going to be alright on your own?”
I wipe away my tears and try to compose myself. “Yeah, I told Violet I’d have tea with her while you play shuffleboard.” It always feels weird referring to my great-great grandmother by her first name.
Ben looks down at me. “Are you seeing him again later?”
“Of course I am.” I know what little time we have left. I want to savor every moment I can with him.
Ben nods at me with a half smile. He knows it’s no use stopping me. I know he just doesn’t want to see me get hurt. I pull myself together, wipe my swollen eyes, and force a smile.
“Do you need me to escort you to tea?”
“No, Sarah will walk with me. She needs to help me fix this.” I point to my unkempt hair. Ben walks across the room and opens the door, motioning for Sarah to enter. She had stayed in the hallway nearby, likely in case I needed backup.
“Okay, I’ll see you in a bit.” Ben gently kisses my check before leaving the cabin. As much as I want to apologize and clear the air between us, I think we both need time away from each other to cool down and digest everything.
Sarah brushes out my hair, giving me a crystal comb to hold on to until she’s ready to secure her creation.
I look up at Sarah in the mirror as I sit at the vanity. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she mumbles. I sense a bit of sadness in her voice, as if she feels responsible for the confrontation with Ben.
“No, not for the hair. For everything. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own things that I haven’t acknowledged or recognized how much you have helped and supported me these last few days. I just want you to know I see it and I appreciate you.”
“You’re welcome, Ali. I meant what I said. I’ve got your back.”
“Thanks, that’s nice to hear. I know I’ve put all of you in an impossible position. I’ve kept things hidden from you all, and I’m sorry.”
“You’re not hiding things as well as you think you are,” she says with a wink.
“Fair play,” I acknowledge with a giggle. “But what I mean is, I know I’ve put you all in a risky position. By being with him, telling him the truth about it all. I tried to stop myself. I really did. I tried to cut and run. I just can’t. Something always pulls me back toward him.”
“What do you mean, Ali?”
“I just… I can’t shake this feeling. I don’t know, Sarah. I thought our purpose here was our work. To find out what happened and why. But the more time I spend here, the more clear to me it all is. It’s like… like I’ve been going through life, constantly searching for something, something I didn't have. Like I’ve always lived a half life. Alive, but never fully living, or loving, or hoping, or anything really. I’ve lost everyone. And I thought getting the best education and focusing on my career would fill that hole inside me. But it hasn’t. It’s been like a bandage. It covers it up so I can ignore it and pretend I’m fine, but the hole is still there, you know? But now… now I think the missing piece of me was him. It was him all along. I think I was meant to find him.” I shake my head and laugh. “I know that must sound crazy to you.”
Sarah smiles to herself. “Not as crazy as you think. I followed my heart here too, you know.”
I don’t know what she means at first, but then I slowly have a realization. “Wait. Eric?”
“Mmhmm. I’ve been in love with him for the last two years.”
“Seriously?”
It all makes sense now. Ever since we started preparing for this project, I’ve watched her eyes follow him out of the room or brighten when he entered. Every time I felt guilty for eating in the main dining room, she said she was happy to just eat with Eric. I always assumed it was some kind of us versus them, or scientists versus historians bond that they shared. I didn’t realize she had feelings for him. But now that I have all the clues in front of me, it’s quite clear to see.
“Yeah, since we both started working with Dr. Conrad. And I never told him. I was scared. But then this opportunity came up, and he jumped at it. And with all the uncertainty about whether it would work or what could happen, I couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to him. Without a thought, I volunteered to come too. I followed him here, I guess.”
“I had no idea.”
“No one did. Until now. I wanted to thank you, Ali. For showing me how important it is to let people in and how rewarding it can be to take a leap of blind faith.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’re nothing like the girl I met weeks ago. You’ve lived fearlessly this week, and I decided it was time to do the same. That’s why I wasn’t here last night. I found Eric and told him everything.”
