“I should get going,” I say quickly, stepping back before I can read it wrong. Before I can hope. “Good luck tonight.”
He doesn’t say anything.
I don’t look back.
“Which one, love?” Pippa asks, holding up two dresses, one in each hand.
We met after work today to shop for dresses for the end-of- season awards party tonight. I’m not even sure I’m going to go to the party, but I need to find something to wear just in case.
I’ve been trying not to think about Oliver. Trying and failing in equal measure.
“Addison,” Pippa says, grabbing my attention. “Which one?”
I glance between the dresses. “Um… the red one?” I say, pointing to her left hand.
“I think so too,” she says, putting the gray one in her right hand back on the rack. “I think it’s perfect.”
She tosses the red dress over her arm and starts looking for some matching shoes.
“So,” she adds casually, “how’s Oliver?”
I hesitate, pretending to thumb through a rack of dresses to avoid eye contact. “It’s… fine,” I say. “Fine. We’re fine.”
“So, you’re fine then?” Pippa teases. “What’s going on with you?”
I sigh, shoulders slumping. “The club offered me a new contract.”
Her eyes light up, sparkling with excitement. “They want you to stay? Permanently?”
“Yeah,” I say quickly, almost defensively. “Alan told me to think about it, but I’m going to turn it down.”
Pippa’s mouth falls open, like I’ve told her there’s no Santa Claus. “Addison. Why?”
“What do you mean, why?” I wave a hand like it’s obvious. “I made rules, Pips. You know that. One year. No strings. No feelings. I came here to finally step out on my own, not—”
“Oh, fuck your rules,” Pippa says, loud enough that the woman at the next rack glances over, clutching her metaphorical pearls.
“Pippa,” I whisper, mortified.
“No, no,” she insists, shaking her head. She lowers her voice, but not her conviction. “Listen to me, love. I love you, but no. You made them because of Matt. You made them when you thought loving someone meant tolerating bullshit. Oliver isnotMatt. He’s nothing like him. Don’t punish him—and yourself—for things Matt did.”
I swallow hard, Pippa’s words hitting me where I’m most fragile.
“Pippa, I—”
“You’re scared,” she cuts me off, voice softer now. “And that’s okay. Being scared is a part of life. But it’snotokay to run, Addison. You don’tdeserveto run from it. You deserve to be happy.” I blink fast, fighting back the tears forming in my eyes. “If you really want to leave, then fine. I’ll drive you to the airport myself and cry the whole way. I’ll hug you, and wish you well wherever your journey takes you. But if you let your fear make this decision for you? Then Addison, you’re not the girl I thought you were.”
I bite my lip. “But what if he doesn’t feel the same way?”
“Addison,” Pippa says, sighing. “First of all, you arenotsome princess in a tower that needs saving. You already saved yourself. Now you get to choose. If you want to stay, make a bloody move. Don’t wait for him to ask you. You can make this choice for yourself, man included or not.”
The knot in my chest tightens. I’ve been ignoring it for weeks, months maybe. I’ve been pretending everything is fine, that leaving was always part of the plan. I’ve let myself believe it wouldn’t hurt anyone. But now, I can admit to myself, I’m standing on the edge of a cliff and I’ve just been too afraid to jump.
Pippa’s right. Of course she is.
I made my rules to protect myself. After everything Matt put me through, I thought I needed something to cling to, something that made me unbreakable.
But Oliver has never asked me for more. He’s never pressured me, never tried to own me the way Matt did.
