Ellie’s jaw actually fell open a little bit.
”I looked a lot of stuff up, but when I looked up milk, like breastmilk, I found some”—I cleared my throat—“not baby-related stuff.”
I’d learned there was such a thing as a lactation kink, but I’d quickly backed out of that, because what if I liked it? I was having enough trouble not thinking about Ellie without throwing new kinks into the mix.
She was watching me like I’d said all of that out loud.
I cleared my throat again. “I’m just trying to picture it and—” I felt very hot now. Itchy with embarrassment. “Is it like a cow?” I blurted. “Do you, you know—” I lifted my hands to do a milking gesture, then thank fuck thought better of it. “Do you point it in the bottle?”
For a moment, Ellie said nothing. Her eyes were wide and I was sure she was going to pack everything up and tell me to never speak to her again. But she didn’t do that. She threw her head back and laughed so hard I swear she almost choked. I didn’t care in the least that I was the reason she was laughing like that. Watching her was a fucking marvel.
When she finally calmed down, she took a breath, then said, “Technically, yes, you could just hand pump, and I guess point it at the bottle. I don’t think it would be very efficient though. And it’s”—she blew out air, trying hard not to laugh again and failing—“it’s nothing like a cow.” She explained that she used a pump that pumped her breast. She explained the process, which involved this apparatus she strapped on, and freezer bags. She did it four times a day. Hearing her talk abouthow she had to find time and a private space to do that multiple times a day was shocking.
“Okay,” I said. I was impressed, and fascinated, but still trying hard not to picture her breasts. Which was difficult, because unfortunately, I remembered exactly how beautiful they looked. So big they spilled from my hands, the nipples pink and?—
Thunder rumbled again, thankfully distracting me.
Henry dropped his bottle, his face crumpling, even though it was quieter now.
“Oh sweetheart.” Ellie reached over and unbuckled him as he began to wail. “It’s getting close to his nap time.”
But when she picked him up, her expression flashed to concern. “He’s freezing!”
She tucked the blanket against him, but he pushed off of her, crying louder. Her eyes went to me like I might have a solution.
I would. I’d figure this out. I scrambled to think of how to make this better. It took a second, but a thought occurred to me that was probably extremely stupid. Luckily or unluckily I was batting heavily in that direction anyway. Plus, seeing her glance at the parking lot like she was going to suggest leaving, I decided to try it. If it didn’t work, absolutely we’d go home to keep Henry warm.
“I have an idea,” I said. Before she could ask what it was, I reached my arm around the back of my neck and tugged at my t-shirt. Ellie’s expression turned confused, then my vision was blocked by the fabric going over my face. Once I could see again, her eyes were wide with alarm.
“Sam! What are you doing?”
I rubbed my bare chest with my shirt, but that didn’t make it dry enough, so I used my palm. “Hypothermia,” I explained.
“What?”
“When someone’s got hypothermia, they say putting them skin to skin is the fastest way to keep warm. It’s not really the same because he’s wearing his onesie thing, but he’s dry up top so he should be okay. With the blanket, of course. Can I try?”
Ellie looked down at Henry, still crying hard. She handed him over. Her expression was dubious as I pressed him up against me, wrapping the blanket around his back. At first, I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to work. Henry cried even harder. So I stood, bouncing slightly, and began rubbing his back.
Henry’s cries began weakening. It took a minute, but when he stopped altogether, his body slackening against me, she smiled.
“Look at you,” she said.
Thunder rumbled again and Henry stiffened a little, whimpering, but I kept walking, pacing the space. A moment later, he tucked his little arms in against my body, curling them under his chin. He was so cute. And so soft and warm. When he’d been quiet a full few minutes, I lowered myself onto the bench next to Ellie so I wouldn’t have to speak so loudly. “Does he look okay?”
She smiled. “He’s asleep.”
Pride inflated my whole torso, threatening to wake my son up again. “I got him asleep?”
“You’re a natural.”
I quite honestly don’t think I’d ever been prouder. This could be my life’s work.
CHAPTER 14
I Told Her About You
ELLIE
