“Woa-oa-oa-oah!” I cry, too jostled by Missy’s gait to get a proper word out. I try to squeeze my thighs together, but they’ve turned to Jell-O.
A fence approaches rapidly. Cowboy Guy curses, then yields his horse. “Get ready to jump!” he cries.
Jump? What the fuck! No no no no.
The fence comes up faster than I can register, and I brace myself to leap over this thing, to soar through the air like a bird or a plane or Superman or—
Missy skids to a halt, lowers her head, and sends me flying. I flip ass over tea kettle and hit the ground, sliding directly into a giant pile of manure. The sky spins in circles as I lie on the ground. My chest aches as my lungs have forgotten how inhaling works. Spots dance in my vision and the world goes topsy-turvy, until, finally, the invisible force squeezing my torso lets up and I suck in a gasp of air.
Two more breaths and I manage to sit, which is fine, but when I try to stand the world topples once more. I come to terms with landing flat on my face, back into the pile of manure, but a hand reaches out and grabs me, holding me upright. Dazed, I look over at Cowboy Guy to thank him for—
Wait, not Cowboy Guy. “Lex?”
“I’ve got you,” she says, holding me tightly, one arm wrapped around my waist and the other taking my hand.
I blink several times as she comes into focus. The light shines on her face and makes her glow like some goddamn angel sent from above to save me from this terrible date. Her clear blue eyes are bright and riddled with concern.
“You okay?” she asks, her voice so calm and sure it instantly soothes my nerves. “Anything hurt?”
“Um...” I take a mental note of my bones and joints and don’t notice anything screaming in pain, aside from a bruise on my ass. “Just my pride, I guess.”
She sighs with relief. “Okay. Let’s get you home and cleaned up.”
“Everything okay?” Cowboy Guy asks, trotting up beside us.
“I got her. You get the horses,” Lex directs, leading me down the path toward the barn. Cowboy Guy leaves to wrangle Lex’s horse and Missy, who snorts and paws at the fence where Fabio Horse is. As a fellow horny and lovesick individual, I can’t even be mad at her.Hope you get some, girl.
Lex drives me back to my house. The drive is quiet, save for her humming along to a song on the radio, but not uncomfortable. When I look over at her she just smiles and shrugs, as if to say,well, here we are. No pity. No sadness. Just... acceptance. I smile back, glad to have her with me here on this crazy roller coaster.
At home I peel my stinky clothes off me and hop in the shower, letting the hot water wash away the shame of yet another ruined date. By the time I’m dried off and back in my comfy sweatpants, Lex has already thrown my clothes in the wash, had my favourite takeout delivered, and fired up an old Ben Stiller rom-com on the TV. My heart squeezes at the sight of Lex nestled on the couch with Winston, a blanket draped over her lap. There’s a bottle of wine prepped with two full glasses next to steaming plates of butter chicken and naan waiting for us on my coffee table.
I snuggle onto the couch with Lex and Winston, offer my glass toward Lex in a cheers, and press Play on the movie as we tuck into our dinner. We spend the evening in companionable silence, both of us sitting sideways on the couch with our legs overlapping and entwining, letting the date sink in rather than talking about it. For a moment I pretend to be normal—just me and my friend spending an evening together, no data to gather, no awkward dates to endure, and no curse looming over me ready to ruin my day without a moment’s notice.
It’s exactly what I need.
chapter ten
Unicorn
Several weeks and numerous awkward dates later, we’re actually getting the hang of this. There’s been underwear stuck to my yoga mat towel when we met up with Wellness Guru Guy at the hot yoga studio downtown, spinach stuck in my teeth for an hour after a dinner date at a trendy new restaurant with Vegan Guy, and sweat-stained playing cards repeatedly pulled out of various body parts by Magician Guy. Despite everything, Lex hasn’t given up—and neither have I. In fact, despite the hilarity and hijinks, I can honestly say I’m havingfundating. Weird.
“Have everything we need?” I ask as I smooth out my shirt in the parking lot of Cactus Club after meeting Lex at our rendezvous point.
Lex opens her purse and peers inside. “Wet wipes, check. Tide to Go, check. Spare pants?” She eyes me, one brow raised. “Check.”
I place my hands on my hips. “Do you really think that’s necessary?”
“When it comes to you, I can’t be too careful.” Lex zips her bag closed and gives me a wink.
“Fair point.”
“Also, I just got my period yesterday, which means you should be getting yours today or tomorrow. I have extra tampons if you need.”
The fact that she’s already memorized my cycle doesn’t faze me, and I don’t even try to hide my smile. “What would I do without you?”
Lex smiles, dimples popping. “You’d walk around with stains on your pants, that’s what.”
I’m still laughing when the two of us split up after entering the restaurant—me to the reserved table on the patio and her to the bar within eyesight of my soon-to-be date shenanigans. I order my customary club soda with lime wedges and wait, making faces at Lex from across the restaurant and trying to get her to break character.
