Conrad managed to laugh. “Yeah.” He took a sip of water. “You know, it’s actually fine. I’d hate to have to share Archie on the regular. That month he’s away is hard as hell, but it’s gotten easier the older he gets. Gives me a little time off too. But I don’t recommend it. Hell, I don’t recommend divorce.”
“I don’t recommend whatever I did,” I said.
We both laughed.
“Did get a cute kid out of it,” Conrad said.
“I did that,” I agreed, downing my drink. When I set the empty can down, I looked at Ellie’s house again. “At least I know I won’t be moving to South Africa.” Actually, I knew right then, I realized, that I was done skipping town. I didn’t want to escape. I wanted to stay right here. No matter what shit life dealt me. I wanted to stay here, to be there for the people in that house over the fence. In whatever way they needed.
The thought was surprisingly calming. I don’t think I’d ever felt so certain about anything.
Conrad and I chatted a bit more about less consequential things, then finally I clapped my hands around the arms of the chair. “Okay man,” I said, growing serious. “I’m ready.”
“Ready?”
“It’s diaper time.”
“Fucking right.” Conrad got up and grabbed the pack of diapers I’d brought from the table. I grabbed Archie’s stuffed bear, Honeybuckets, which he’d generously loaned us for the demo. Then I jumped up and blew out air like I was about to get into a boxing ring.
We did diapers—which I aced, by the fucking way, and moved on to burping, which Conrad said I should still learn even though he thought Henry might be a bit old for it.
“So,” Conrad explained, “the trick is hitting their back in just the right spot.”
“Where exactly?”
Conrad rubbed his chin again. “I’m trying to remember. It’s been a while.” He picked Honeybuckets, flipping him around. “There, I think?” He pointed to a spot on the bear’s back.
Honeybuckets barely had a back to speak of.
“I don’t know where that is on a human,” I said.
“Ugh. Okay here, turn around.”
Conrad poked me in the mid-back. “There. I think. So get him on your front and whack him right there.”
“Whackhim?”
“Like a firm pat.”
I picked up the teddy bear and gave it a try, but the thing just squished against me. “I need a real back,” I said.
“Okay, here.” Conrad flopped his arms down. “Da-da!” he said.
We both cracked up.
“Come on,” I said. “One time.”
“Right.”
Conrad bent forward toward me. I reached around him like I was going in for a hug. Then I hit him on the back, hard enough he coughed.
“Okay, bruiser. A little lighter.”
I adjusted my whack a few times, until finally Conrad said, “Oh yeah. Right there.”
I did it again.
Conrad groaned. “That actually feels pretty good. I—Oh, hey Ellie.”
