Okay, that one landed hard. But in my experience, responding to hurt with more hurt never led to anything good. Plus, I was the adult here.
“I don’t think that’s true,” I said calmly. “But you could be right. I’m wrong a lot.”
I’d been approaching him like a cornered animal—slow and calm. But now I guess I was too close, because he took a step back.
“Go. Away. I’m fucking warning you.”
The tougher he tried to get, the more obvious his pain became.
“I’m not going to leave. But I’ll stay over here. Give you a little space.”
Tommy gritted his teeth. Then he surprised me. He jumped at me, windmilling his arms. I’m not sure what his plans were, but I saw as he came at me that his eyes were wet. He’d been crying. I think he wasstillcrying. And when I caught him, pinning his arms against himself, disabling him so he couldn’t hurt me, I wanted to cry too. Because I remembered what it was like to be fifteen and lost. I’d played it differently, surrounded by people and being the charmer, but I was the same as Tommy in not wanting anyone to see how much things hurt. I spent my whole life acting like an open book, but never really letting people all the way in. I hadn’t wanted to. Not until Ellie.
“Let me…go!”Tommy yelled, struggling hard.
I angled his arm in such a way he couldn’t move without hurting himself. This was the gentlest hold I knew.
He still screamed at me.
“I’ll let you go when I know you’re not going to hurt me or yourself. Okay? Please, tell me you understand.”
“I’m not scared of you!”
“I’m not trying to scare you.”
For some reason, that was the thing that made him stopstruggling. Maybe that was Ellie’s last boyfriend’s tactic. Scare him straight. Fuckingdick.
For a moment, Tommy stood perfectly still. Tense, but unmoving.
“Can I let go?” I asked gently.
“Yes,” Tommy gritted out.
I released the hold.
Tommy jumped back, rubbing his arm and wrist. He stared at me, still glaring, still breathing hard. But he was assessing, too. Finally, he tucked his head down and started walking in the direction of home. I followed behind him, giving him a good amount of space.
When we reached the townhouse, Ellie stood up from where she’d been sitting on the stoop with Henry. Her cheeks were wet. “Hey,” she said as Tommy stormed up the steps.
He didn’t stop, just brushed right by her.
“Come on,” I said, taking Henry and tucking her under my arm.
She slumped against me. “I can’t—” her voice was choked.
“It’s okay, sweetheart, I’ve got you. Let’s get inside.”
CHAPTER 28
I Couldn’t Keep Him Safe
ELLIE
He stayed. Just when we needed Sam the most, he didn’t go. I didn’t understand how huge that was until I got Henry to bed. I tried one more time to get Tommy to come out of his room—not even to talk to me, just to get some food. But I gave up when he stopped ignoring me and yelled through the door toLeave me alone!
I trudged upstairs with a knot in my throat, and found Sam had cleaned up the kitchen, right down to mopping the floors. He’d made dinner too, while wearing Henry in the baby carrier on his back. Now he was moving around the kitchen with a towel over his shoulder. He wiped the last bit of the counter, his expression like this was the most important job in the world, before looking up and seeing me standing there staring at him.
“Hey,” he said. “Any luck with Tommy?”
