Earlier, he’d told me everything that happened. Right down to how my son had attacked him. I’d cried, feeling not just devastated for failing Tommy, but ashamed that he’d try to do that to Sam, after how kind Sam had been to him.
“You could have been hurt!” I’d said. “He’s almost as tall as you.”
“He wouldn’t have hurt me, El. I promise.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. I wouldn’t have let him.”
He’d said it confidently, but also so gently. Ron would have been cocky saying something like that. He’d been a lot like Anthony in that way. Tough guys in bluster only. Sam, on the other hand, had training. Something called a coral belt in Jiu Jitsu. I’d gotten it out of him in one of our text conversations.
But all he cared about was Tommy’s well-being. “I wouldn’t let him do anything in anger he’d regret for the rest of his life.”
Now, I shook my head. “He still won’t come out of his room. Which is fine, I just…” I folded my arms, unsure what I wanted, besides Tommy to open his door and accept my hug and tell me everything that was hurting his heart.
“Thank you for staying,” I said to Sam.
“Of course,” he said. “I just wish I could do more.”
My throat tightened again. “You’ve done the most.”
Sam’s eyes met mine for a long moment, and for a second, it looked like he was going to move toward me. But he dropped his hands again, shoving them into his pockets.
“Sam, I?—”
“It’s okay, Ellie. We don’t need to talk about anything tonight. I should go, give you guys your space.”
An hour ago, I was ready to tell Sam that maybe what had happened between us at his parents’ place didn’t have to be a one off. That maybe we could have some fun together.
But everything felt too real now. Too raw.
I pressed my lips together. We were still standing in the kitchen several feet apart from one another. It felt so wrong after his earlier tenderness.
“Sure. Yeah, you should go.”
I wasn’t shocked he’d want to leave, not after bending over backwards for us all day. But I didn’t want him to. I wanted to beg him to stay. To make me forget about this awful day.
“What are you going to do?” Sam asked. “Right now, I mean.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Go to sleep I guess.”
I looked to the tiled floor as I said that.
“Are you going to be able to?”
My lips tilted slightly, then dropped. He could read me so easily now.
I ran my hand through my hair. I’d already messed up the curls I’d so carefully styled earlier. “Will you sit down with me for a minute?”
He nodded, and we moved to the dining room, where Sam turned two chairs out. We both sat down, our knees a few inches apart.
“When this used to happen in Sacramento,” I said, “I would wake up to find Tommy gone. He snuck out so many times. Once Henry was here, I wasn’t as good at catching him.” I swallowed. “I couldn’t keep him safe.”
I pressed a thumb into my hand. This had me looking down at my lap, at the pink dress I’d put on earlier. It was good I hadn’t made a pass at Sam, even with no strings attached. Why would he want to be a part of this mess? I was nothing but strings.
“You don’t have to tell me about it,” Sam said. “If it’s too hard.”
But I could tell he wanted to know what Tommy had been through. He deserved to know, given what had happened today.
