Page 9 of Dangerous Promises

I open my eyes and push the thoughts away, shaking my head as I start to pace. I can't let it in. I won't let it in. If I let it in, Iwon't survive it. If I let it in, I might let go. I'm never letting go. Never letting go.

"Sage..." a gentle voice startles me from behind.

I turn with my hand on my heart to find Uncle Anton giving me sympathetic eyes as he slowly approaches me. He watches me cautiously like I'm a wild animal ready to bolt.

"Fuck. You scared me," I say.

He gives me a weak smirk and then looks off into the distance at the grave. "You're not going to go in?"

I shake my head. "No. I can see just fine from here."

Anton stands next to me in stoic silence, only the whistle of the wind between us. Finding the words has never been his forte. "You haven't been to visit in a long time."

"I don't need to get any closer," I snap.

Anton nods. "I get it."

"You don't," I say, immediately regretting the words because I know he does.

"You could always place fresh flowers and then just walk away." He places a gentle hand on my back and smiles kindly at me. I can't bear to see the sight of it. "It doesn't have to be a big deal. I can go with you."

"Won't help," I say, shrugging him off and folding my arms.

"What is it you're afraid of?"

I roll my eyes. Mostly because I'm not sure I could tell him. I'm afraid of nothing. I'm afraid of everything.

"When was the last time you visited Aunt Emma's grave?" I ask, pushing the attack back on him. I recognize that I'm lashing out by turning his own past against him so I don't have to face my own. I can see it in the little line that forms on his brow, like a cut directly down into his heart, how much my words have hit their mark.

"Well.. that's-" he begins, stuttering to find his words. "It's-"

"Different?" I surmise. "How?"

Anton sighs and shakes his head. "It just is."

"Because it's been too long. Because you've forgotten," I scoff.

Something about that softens him and he returns from defensiveness into a mask of compassion. "You're afraid of forgetting."

My breath hitches, and if I let them, my tears would fall instead of remaining bottled up behind a wall. The question leaves me shy and unsure. Because why would he even ask that? I could never forget. I could never forgive.

I don't need to say more. Anton already knows. "I have never forgotten Emma. Her memory lives on in my heart. I don't beat myself up about not visiting her grave. I know she's here. With me. Wherever I go."

My eyes well and I strain to the point of pain to stop any tears from falling. This is the exact opposite of what I want. This is why I don't go into the cemetery.

"Anima mia, no matter what happens, I promise you, he will never be forgotten. Ni-"

"Don't!" I rush to say, heart pounding at the thought of hearing his name out loud. "Don't speak it!"

Anton looks more perplexed than ever but just nods.

"I don't want to move on," I admit, staring at the ground to try to quell the panic.

"There is no moving on. Only moving forward."

My eyes lift slowly to meet his. I see nothing but concern and empathy. It's hard to keep lashing out at him. I know he's been in my position before. I also know he's never loved anyone else. I've never seen another woman on his arm. Perhaps he is right. Perhaps there is no moving on. Anton certainly didn't.

It's a trait I admire in him.