Page 124 of Secret Baby for My Brother's Best Friends

As an added layer to my nervousness, I'm attending the doctor's appointment with all three of my men. My boyfriends. Jesus, James was right, it does sound silly to say that, but mostly because there's nothing boyish about any of them. They're clearly grown men, and calling them anything with the word 'boy' in it just feels laughable.

My lovers.

That thought kills my amusement, poking at the other thing, the secret I'm still keeping from them.

When I told them to come to my doctor's appointment with me, it wasn't on a whim. I had thought it through on the car ride home, but then again, I was still riding the high of the visit with my brother, and what a success that was.

I was ecstatic that we had mended things, though I figure everything between us isn’t going to be perfect with just words. James is still awkward about the whole thing, but he’s making an effort, and that’s what matters. We even managed to crack a few jokes about it, which means that we'll find our way to normalcy again.

We have to because I don’t think I’m giving up on my brother or my men.

I love them.

I haven’t yet told them. I mean, I assume they probably know at this point, but saying the words is difficult for me. Looking back, that was the beginning of the end for Eric and me. He was never truly a love-struck boyfriend, but he was much nicer to me back in the day. However, the more I did for him, the more I fell in love with him; the meaner he became until I couldn’t recognize him anymore.

And I couldn't recognize myself either.

I stuck around all those years because it wasn’t as easy for me to turn my feelings off as it was for him. It never has been. I love hard and long, and started to make excuses for him, even to my own detriment.

It's gross to think about how low I went for him.

And so I guess a part of me is worried that it will be the same thing with them. Even though they couldn't be further from Eric if they tried, there's a part of me that still believes that it could happen again, that my brother was right the first time, and the second I become even a little inconvenient for them, they'll all dump me at once.

So maybe this doctor's visit is as much a test for them as it is for me. It's one thing to agree to a polyamorous relationship in the privacy of our home, but it's a whole other thing to go out in public like this. All three of them attending my doctor's appointment probably looks ridiculous on the outside, and I wouldn't blame them if they felt a little embarrassed or uncomfortable as a result.

Right now they don’t seem nervous or uncomfortable at all. Ever since the doctor walked in and they introduced themselves as my boyfriends, they’ve been sharing amused looks and laughing at just how red my face gets. The doctor got red-faced too, but he smiled mischievously, shook his head, and said, “Kids these days."

He even winked at me when he shuffled to get out some of my scan results.

Now that he's gone, the men give me shit-eating grins.

"This was your idea," Jake murmurs, reminding me again.

“I know,” I say. "Doesn't make it any easier on me."

He chuckles and kisses me on the cheek. He’s very physically affectionate and has become even more so today.

"I mean, I didn't think you three would just blurt it out like that," I point out.

"You must not know us very well then,” Jake chimes in, and as I roll my eyes, he chuckles again.

The rest of the visit goes smoothly. The baby’s healthy, and the doctor tells us everything we should watch out for. Sam keeps interrupting him to ask about the worst-case scenario, and Adam keeps answering the question before the doctor can. Clearly, both of them have been perusing pregnancy books, which is strange because I didn’t think Adam would be this involved. I didn't think he wanted kids. I always assumed that a part of him felt stuck in this situation, though he had come to accept it, but he wasn't enthusiastic.

Which is another thing that bothers me.

I guess it’s something we have to talk about later.

After the doctor's visit, we all went out for ice cream at the shop across the street. It’s awkward the way all eyes turn towards us the second we enter. It’s probably mostly because the men are distractingly handsome, and they're all walking in at the same time. I can practically see some women and men drooling over them.

And then their eyes flicker to me and back to them as though wondering about the nature of our relationship.

That’s the part that makes me anxious.

Especially since the men aren’t shy at all about it. Sam is pretty openly holding my hand. Adam nuzzles my hair now and then, and Jake, as he walks to the counter, announces pretty loudly, "Hey, what flavor do you want, babe?”

“Strawberry,” I croak out, a blush spreads across my cheeks. Sam goes to the counter to order as well, as Adam sits with me and holds my hand.

The stares feel more intense now.