Page 124 of The Turning of the Tables

It’s been a while.

SETH MAYS

You know what they say.

If you don’t have anything nice to say…

My phone started buzzing,and I sighed. I answered it anyway. “I’m not very good company right now,” I told Elliot. He was right—it had been a while. In fact, the last time I’d talked to him had been the day he’d almost triggered a shift by turning me on. It had been incredibly embarrassing, and I’d intentionally been avoiding talking to him because I flushed every time I even thought about it.

“Sometimes that’s when we need to be company the most,” he replied. Calm,reasonable, kind. How could I not fall for this guy? Other than the whole thousand-miles-away-and-doesn’t-want-a-relationship thing…

I sighed. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I’m just…”

“I know, baby.”

I felt the tears starting, but at least I was alone in my room—I hadn’t told Noah about my almost-shift those few weeks ago, because I knew he’d have put off the vacation he’d already put off once because of me.

“Did you work today?” he asked me.

“Yeah. Why?” I could feel the frown furrowing my brow.

“So I know whether or not to ask you how it was.”

“Oh.” Why did that make me feel raw and exposed? It made no sense, but a lot of how I felt around Elliot made no sense. I shouldn’t care about him, I shouldn’t be falling for him… and yet all those things were true.

“So how was it?”

“Pretty boring,” I told him, honestly. “I put cans and boxes on shelves, did some laundry, and handed out bags of household goods to shifters who needed them.”

“Potato work, then,” he said, and I couldn’t help the slight smile that pulled at my lips.

“Yeah, potato work,” I agreed. “It’s…” I sighed. “It’s important, and I know that. It makes a difference to the people we’re helping. I just…”

“Hate it?” he suggested.

“Yeah.” I sighed. “Which makes me feel like a bad person. A bad shifter. Because I shouldn’t resent doing this—they’re helpingme. And I’m helping people as I’m being helped. Which is all a good thing…”

“But you still hate it,” he said.

I groaned. “Yeah. Jesus, I’m awful.”

“You’re not awful, Seth,” he said, his voice gentle, but firm. “You’re aperson. You have emotions, and thoseemotions are real whether or not you want to agree with them. We aren’t all going to like everything that’sgood. There are things I like doing that are good—like Habitat for Humanity. There are also things that are good that Ihate. Like canvassing during elections. That doesn’t make me a bad person, any more than not liking working at Hands and Paws makes you a bad person.”

I grunted.

“You’re a good man,” he told me.

“You don’t know that,” I argued.

“Sure, I do. You do help people. Your whole career has been about helping people.”

“But I can’t do that anymore,” I reminded him.

“Have you talked to Noah about the fact that you hate working with him?”

“Jesus, no, of course not.” I knew I sounded appalled.

“Why of course not? I thought you were close.” He sounded confused.