“She threw water on me today.”
James laughed again, though quietly this time. “At least it wasn’t hot pea soup.”
I could just imagine a younger Laurel, furious that someone had suggested she had any sort of flaw, reaching for the nearest available weapon, which apparently had been soup. I smiled faintly, but it faded quickly. She was so dramatic sometimes. Usually, it entertained me, but today, it had broken something inside me.
“She needs you,” James said. “You ground her in a way no one else does. I know that can’t be easy. Laurel can be stubborn and headstrong.”
“Yeah, she can be,” I agreed.
“But she’s also courageous and determined and clever.”
“And beautiful,” I added before I could stop myself.
James’s mouth twitched. “Yes. And beautiful.”
I stared into the darkness between the trees. Laurel was the most incredible girl I’d ever known, though the word felt too small for her. It did not account for how alive everything felt when she was near.
“She has a lot of qualities,” James said. “Some good and some bad. We all do. You have to decide if you love her good qualities enough to endure the difficult ones. And I’m not saying it’s all on you. Relationships go both ways. I’m sure she thinks you have good and bad qualities as well.”
“More bad than good,” I muttered.
James was quiet for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice had changed. “My wife used to say things like that when we fought. But only when we fought. People say things they don’t mean when they’re hurt or angry.”
I looked over at him. I sometimes forgot James had been married. His wife had died years before I knew him and they’d never had children. Robin Hood had once told me that James used to be more energetic and fun-loving, but grief had quieted something in him after she passed. He rarely spoke of her.
“I think Laurel meant what she said,” I said.
“Oh, there’s always some truth in what people say when they argue,” James replied. “That’s why it hurts so much. If it were all nonsense, you could dismiss it. But during a fight, people take one true thing and use it as a weapon. If you only look at one flaw, it seems enormous. When you step back and look at the whole person, it becomes part of them, not all of them. That’s the danger of relationships—other people see the worst parts of you and you have to hope they won’t use it against you.”
I knew James was trying to help, and if he’d said all this to us several hours ago, perhaps it would have helped. But now… I likely wouldn’t be able to salvage my relationship with Laurel. It was already over. She had called it off. And if we weren’t together, how could we both be members of the Merry Men? It would always be awkward and uncomfortable. I would have to watch her laugh with others, fight beside others, perhaps one day love someone else, and pretend it wasn’t tearing me open.
“Do you still care about her?” James asked.
“It doesn’t matter if I do or not, does it?” I said coldly. “She doesn’t want me.”
“She will once she calms down. I’ve known Laurel her whole life. She’ll be too proud to admit it any time soon, but once she realizes what she lost, she’ll regret making a hasty decision.”
That didn’t help either. Even if she did decide she wanted to get back together, I didn’t want to be at her beck and call for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t grovel every time she got angry. I didn’t want her to believe I could be thrown away and retrieved whenever she pleased. I was done being ignored. Maybe I would go on and find someone else. Someone who wouldn’t cast me aside so easily. Someone kinder, calmer, and more sensible. Someone who didn’t throw water, steal coin purses, and pick locks.
I sighed again. I was kidding myself.
I had never once met another girl who was even a tenth as captivating as Laurel. Of course I still cared about her. Of course I still loved her. I couldn’t simply decide those feelings were inconvenient and put them on a shelf, never to be examined again. I hated feeling like a slave to my emotions, but there it was.
Still, I could not be with someone who did not want me back. Although…James seemed to think there was still a glimmer of hope.
“Do you really think there’s a chance?” I asked.
The second the question left my mouth, I felt pathetic. I felt like a desperate child, eager to latch onto a fairytale, no matter how unrealistic. I wanted to retract the words, but it was too late.
James nodded solemnly. “Yes. Like I said, none of us ever saw Laurel behave the way she does with you. She may fight it because she doesn’t want to feel like she needs anyone, but she does need you. She’ll realize that. Laurel is still young and doesn’t know how good she had it with you. She wasn’t looking for just anyone, and it wasn’t for lack of options. There were plenty of boys back in Sherwood Forest who made plays for her. Little John’s son was rather aggressive about it. Still is, actually. But she never paid them any attention. Not until you.”
I should have felt comforted, but instead, shame crawled back in.
James didn’t know all of my past. He didn’t know why Laurel had really come to my room, or what she had learned from Walter. I didn’t know how to bring it up, and even if I had the words, I wasn’t ready to confess what I’d done to anyone else. That was precisely why I had failed to tell Laurel everything in the first place. Would James desert me just as quickly? I couldn’t lose one of the only friends I had left, so I said nothing about Walter or about the other men I had punished.
Instead, I said, “She thinks I only asked to join for her.”
“So what if you did?” James asked lightly.
