She smiles but it’s weak and doesn’t reach her eyes and I hate that this is tainting our perfect day. It took so many ransoms to guarantee we’d be alone.
‘Good,’ she says.
‘How about you? What’s after F1?’
I so badly want her to say she’s trying something new, that she’s listening to her own advice.
‘Maybe basketball. It’s seeing rapid growth in Asia.’
Oh forget it.
‘How are you enjoying Miami so far?’ I ask, needing a new topic ASAP as I watch her flip onto her back. I can’t keep my gaze from shooting to her puffy pussy. God, I’m such a perv.
‘Loving it. You really had a dream childhood.’
I wouldn’t exactly say getting called a ‘beaner’ for most of middle school a dream, but the rest was decent.
‘Your toes look weird upside down,’ I comment, reaching to touch them. She flails her feet at me and I retreat with raised hands. ‘What was your family like growing up?’ I ask through a laugh.
‘My dad was away a lot on tour. It was mainly me and my mum.’
‘You guys must be tight now, though.’
She changes position so she’s back treading water, her attention caught by something under the surface. ‘I missed him, and I miss him now. He didn’t know how to deal with his grief when my mum died, and he really didn’t know how to deal with his daughter’s. Grief is weird. It’s different in everyone.’
The more I read about OCD, the more boxes she ticks. It can be triggered by a major life event, like losing a loved one. If Jules had an episode after her mom died, it would make sense that a father who didn’t even understand his daughter in the first place would be overwhelmed watching her turn into a manic version of herself.
‘I’m sorry, Jules,’ I say.
‘It’s fine. I’m my own family.’ Well that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, but I nod anyway. ‘Celebrations are a bit sore, but that’s about it. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas?—’
‘Hold up, you don’t likeChristmas?’
She slowly shakes her head, looking afraid of the enthusiasm I’m about to launch at her.
‘IloveChristmas! No one does Christmas like the Cabreras. It’s literally a whole month long. Come to my house! We cover the pool in glass and eat our dinner on it. The dining room’s too small for everyone.’
‘What?How can it be too small?’
I wave her away. ‘Bring your dad, it’ll be sick.’
‘I can’t?—’
‘Sure you can. You’ll never eat so much food in your life. See if you can look at my mom’s nativity scene without laughing. Joseph looks like Nancy Pelosi.’
‘But—’
‘We’re friends, right?’ It’s meant to come out casually, but it really doesn’t.
I have to believe Jules will still be in my life five months from now. Hell, I want her in my life thirty years from now. I can’t imagine it any other way. Let me at least pretend I get to keep her.
‘Right,’ she says firmly, and it’s embarrassing how much my chest deflates. ‘Friends.’
Chapter 34
TIAGO
‘Hey, can I ask you a personal question?’ I ask, tying the back of her bikini, trying to ignore how buttery soft her skin is as my fingertips brush the top of her back.
