“I am still not sure…”
“Last night, having watched our fathers bring Nicholas to this bedchamber, and after they had retired to their own rooms, I desperately needed to see for myself how Nicholas fared.”She released a shaky breath.“He was asleep when I first entered the bedchamber, but it was easy to see that he had been grievously battered and bruised before and during the carriage accident.I had meant to leave before he woke, but he opened his eyes, and he saw me before I was able to do so.”
“Why did you not leave then?”Amanda frowned.“I am sure the earl was not in any condition to stop you.”
“He began to talk, and I listened, then the two of us talked together for a while longer.I had not realized how cold I had become whilst we did so, but Nicholas had.When he suggested I get into bed with him so that I would be warm, I at first refused.”
“I should think you did,” Amanda said with a gasp.
Julia avoided meeting her cousin’s gaze.“At first, I refused,” she repeated, “but when I gave another shiver, and Nicholas again insisted I climb into bed beside him, I decided I would.He had even moved to the other side of the bed so that the bedcovers would be warm for me from his body heat.”Her cheeks burned.
Amanda’s brows were raised.“Was he clothed during this conversation?”
“Papa had given him one of his voluminous nightshirts to wear.Nicholas looked so uncomfortable in it, and I learned later that he usually did not bother to wear anything in bed.”She smiled at the memory before stirring herself to continue the conversation.“I— The two of us…explored each other sexually.It was the most exciting time of my life,” she acknowledged huskily.
Amanda stared at her for several long minutes as she absorbed those words.“Which part of your behavior are you deeming willfully stupid?”
She gave a choked laugh at Amanda’s teasing.“None of that.The willful stupidity part came this morning when, after going to my bedchamber to wash and dress, I returned here and told Nicholas that I believed there can be no future for the two of us because Freddie’s ghost will always stand between us.”
Amanda released her hands and moved back a step.“That was indeed very silly of you.”
Julia released a heavy sigh.“I know.”
“What was his manner toward you before you made that ridiculous comment?”
She gave a pained grimace.“He kissed me as if he wished to devour me.”
“Then why would you say something so cruel to him about his brother?I know you have always believed the only reason Freddie joined a regiment was with the intention of impressing his older brother,” Amanda conceded.
“It was.”
“But you never had any proof that is what happened.As such, I do not believe you should have pushed Nicholas away for something which you do not know to be true.”
Julia grimaced.“What other explanation can there be for Freddie having behaved so recklessly?”
“I have another theory, but I do not believe it to be one that you would find acceptable,” Amanda said slowly.
She eyed her cousin curiously.“What theory is that?”
“I need to think further on the matter before discussing it more,” Amanda dismissed.“In the meantime, I really do not think you should have spoken to the earl in that way when you have no solid evidence that what you said was true.”
Julia released a heavy sigh.“Do you think I should apologize to Nicholas?”
“Yes,” her cousin confirmed emphatically.“I most definitely do feel you must apologize.But not before you have eaten breakfast.It is to be hoped that will sustain you through the ordeal.”
“It will certainly be an ordeal.”One that made Julia wince to think of it.
“We shall go downstairs now and eat breakfast together.”Amanda linked her arm with Julia’s.“Mama has always said that everything looks better on a full stomach.”
Julia very much doubted that would be the case this time, but shewashungry, and she doubted things could look any worse after she had eaten.
“And while we are eating,” Amanda lowered her voice so that only Julia could hear, “you shall tell me exactly what ‘exploring each other sexually’ entails.”
Julia felt a blush warming her cheeks.“I will tell you as much as I am able without embarrassing myself.But in return,” she continued when Amanda would have interrupted, “I wish for you to assist me in persuading our parents to return to London.”
This idea had been part of her plan to recover Mr.Masterson’s sister, which Julia had fully intended to share with Nicholas.
Her cousin’s brows rose.“And exactly how would you suggest we do that?”
