“My heart.” Already, the fissures grow. Tiny cracks that widen with every minute that leads us closer to LA. “It’s like someone’s squeezing it. I want it to stop.”
“Charlie is in the middle of an experiment, so you’re stuck with me.” He clicks his tongue when I sigh. “You called me. Don’t sound disappointed.”
“I’m…confused. I didn’t think—I don’t know what I was thinking.” And in my time of need, instead of advising me, my best friend—soon to be former best friend—laughs. It’s deep and grating. “What’s so funny?”
“I’m s-sorry,” he says through choked breaths. “I’m not laughing at you.”
“Are your britches on fire?”
His laughter worsens. “My britches,” he screams.
“I am going to hang up now. You are not helping me.”
“Wait.” He gulps down air. “I’m ready now. Try again.”
With a single breath, I explain everything that’s happened since Cairns. The kiss in the hotel hallway. The deal we made on the liveaboard. Sex, though I blush and have to cover my eyes the whole time as a safety blanket. Our date in the rainforest. How uncomfortable it’s become since we slipped into bed last night, a valley of sheets between us.
“It’s a real soggy pickle of a situation,” I say, picking at the skin on my thumb. “What should I do?”
“I can’t tell you what to do.”
“You have a PhD. You’re smart with these things.”
He snorts. “My PhD is in biological oceanography, and I haven’t finished. I spent two years leaving chocolates on a desk as a form of flirting. Not sure that’s good advice.”
“What if I don’t want it to end when we get back to LA? What if I want a real shot?”
It’s the question bopping around my head, the one I haven’t wanted to give space to grow. The life I’ve always wanted, I can imagine with Sofía. But what if she doesn’t view this as anything but a fling? She can separate the emotion from the physical. Maybe she hasn’t felt anything I have, the inexplicable connection that grows stronger by the day.
“A wise man once told me ‘if you like the girl, tell the girl.’ It was sage advice when I was in your position.”
“Oh, that’s good. Oliver told you that?”
He’s not doing too hot in the love department, so that’s surprising.
“No,” Mateo laughs. “You told me that.”
“Oh.”
“I can’t tell you what to do because I barely understand what you two were thinking, agreeing to that.” He pauses, and I imagine him shaking his head. “But if you think there’s something there, then chase it.”
“The thing is, we thought—”
“Nope. I’m gonna stop you. There’s nothing you can say that makes Sofía acting as yourPR girlfriendand then sleeping together because what happens on an entirecontinentcan stay there sound like a normal thing people do. I love you, man, but that’s the craziest shit I’ve ever heard, and Charlie and Amy have explained Bigfoot fan fiction to me in intense detail.”
“I don’t understand the PR relationship, either. That was all her idea, but it worked. My views are through the roof, the premiere is sold out, and I’ve gained thousands of followers.”
He chuffs. “That tracks.”
The speaker system announces our plane has begun boarding, and I spot Sofía waving me over, her bag slung over her shoulder. I give her a thumbs-up.
“I gotta go. Time to board. Thanks for the chat.”
“Good luck.”
I hang up and hurry back to the gate, a decision settling in my bones. I’ll ask her to come home with me, to disregard the contract. And if she says no, then we go back to whatever version of normal we can, and I’ll find a way to get over her.
Maybe.
