“Oh?”
“You’re more intelligent than I ever realized.”
My stomach falls, the insecurity that never truly fades right back at center stage. Her words are unpleasant for my self-esteem, and I look away, watching a bird waddle down the beach, digging its beak into the sand in search of a snack.
I know I never graduated from college. Barely graduated from high school. I don’t know how to start a tech company or run a boardroom. My job is unstable, and at times, my ADHD causes me to hyperfixate or makes it impossible to complete simple tasks.
I’m terrible at remembering to switch my laundry, and sometimes I need reminders to finish tasks like doing the dishes or putting items away.
A few of the many reasons Grace ended it with me.
More intelligentis a kind way to sayI thought you were stupid, but turns out, you’re only kind of dumb.
Self-consciousness turns into self-defense. “I have learning disabilities. It doesn’t make me stupid.”
“Jett, I—”
Indignation rises like a tidal wave. It’s not her fault, and she doesn’t deserve it, but I am so tired of feeling inadequate, less than, because I don’t have a degree or do well on standardized tests. I’m not Mateo, who is working toward his PhD. Or Oliver, who collects undergraduate degrees like Pokémon. They’re academically brilliant, but I’m smart in other ways. That counts for something, right?
“Iamintelligent.”
The quiet between us is a deadly thing, a house fire sucking the remaining oxygen from the room. I didn’t mean to snap at her,but it’s a special type of burn knowing she thought I was an idiot and is surprised I’m not.
“That’s not—I didn’t mean—” She stumbles over her words. “Let me start over.”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
She inhales a deep breath. “It’s not fine. I stuck my foot in my mouth, upset you, and that’s not what I was trying to do.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” she yells, crawling across the blanket until she’s in my face. Her hand grips my jaw firmly, securely. “Youareintelligent. But you’re also kind and observant, and one of the most emotionally intelligent people I have ever met. That’s what I meant to say before I fucked it up. I only wanted to say that I’m lucky to have uncovered that side of you, and I wish I had learned about it sooner.”
She’s so close, and her words ring in my ear, dousing the sting of her previous statement. I had no idea she felt this way about me. I part my lips, but her grip tightens and her eyes widen to saucers. “Oh my god,” she mutters. “Very slowly turn your head.”
Her hand pats the blanket until she finds purchase on my camera strap and drags it into my lap, her focus never leaving the landscape behind me. I crane my neck, and the air rips from my lungs.
At the edge of the forest, where the land meets white sand, a large female cassowary creeps out of the vegetation toward the water. I’m starstruck as the magnificent creature cautiously steps onto the sand. Sofía slaps my thigh.
“The camera, Jett,” she whispers. “You’ve got to record this.”
With slow movements, I adjust angles and switch between video and photos. The cassowary gives us twenty glorious minutes of cohabitation, commanding the beach like a queen surveying her kingdom.
The animal walks along the waterline, and I spend the first ten capturing what I can, Sofía doing the same on her phone, and then I put it all away to appreciate the rarity of what’s happening.
Sofía leans against my side. “I’m going to remember this forever.”
Eventually, the cassowary strolls back into the forest and out of sight. “Yeah. Me, too,” I respond.
For so many reasons, I’ll remember this, but most of all, I’ll reminisce on how it feels to have Sofía by my side and the knowledge that this gesture was for me.
A surprise for the ages.
Chapter 18
sofia
A head of bubblegum-pink hair is my only warning before I’m almost taken to the ground in a crushing hug. I barely recover my breath before another body slams into me, the scent of cinnamon and menthol wafting around us.
