Chapter Four
“Ineed to talk to you,” Jane told Emma later that evening, perching on the edge of a small sofa when they arrived back at her townhouse. “It’s about Julian.”
She couldn’t keep her feelings to herself any longer. For too long, she’d held her anger for Julian deep inside her, telling no one what had happened all those years ago. In truth, she’d never really allowed herself to get close toanyonesince Julian had hurt her so deeply. Still, despite the financial aspect of their relationship, she and Emma had become good friends, and she desperately needed a friend now. She needed someone to tell her that she’d been right to walk away from him tonight.
Emma sank into the chair across from Jane, her troubled dark eyes brightening a bit. She’d been very quiet on the ride home, and Jane knew she was grappling with doubts of her own. The earl had treated her deplorably, and Michael had not defended her as he should have. “Tell me everything. I’m absolutely dying to know.”
“I love him,” Jane admitted, the words spilling out of her far more quickly than she’d intended. “I’ve loved him since I was a child.”
“Oh, Jane,” Emma whispered sadly, immediately understanding the futility of her sentiments.
Jane buried her face in her hands, unable to look her friend in the eyes. “His country estate bordered my father’s. He was eight the first time I met him. I’m sure you can imagine how he dazzled my six-year-old country heart. He went away to school, so I didn’t see him for many years, but he returned when he inherited the title. There was such an air of tragedy about him. He’d lost nearly all his family in a series of unfortunate accidents, and I wanted to comfort him.”
Emma moved to sit beside her and placed a consoling arm around her shoulders. “Well, you must have succeeded. I certainly wouldn’t describe him as tragic now.”
Jane lifted her head, tears springing to her eyes. “Oh, but heistragic. He’s just grown so much better at hiding it.” She dropped her gaze and twisted her hands in her lap. “I’m afraid I let him take dreadful liberties, Emma. My only defense is that I loved him so much. I couldn’t imagine his feelings were not as strong as mine.”
“What happened?” Emma asked.
Jane drew a deep shuddering breath. “My father died, and Julian didn’t seem to know how to be there for me the way I’d always been there for him. He distanced himself, went to London, and before long, I started hearing rumors that he’d been courting other women.”
“Oh, Jane. I’m so sorry.”
Jane shrugged. “I’m embarrassed to admit how long I waited for him to come back. Months. Years, perhaps. I rejected other suitable prospects, until eventually, I found myself with no prospects at all. And now, all these years later, after I was so certain I’d finally gotten over him, here he is, once again in my life. I don’t know what he’s playing at or why he’s pretending a renewed interest in me. Perhaps he just finds it amusing to tie my heart in knots.”
“What happened tonight?” Emma asked. “Did he kiss you?”
“I think he would have,” Jane admitted. “I think he wanted to.”
“But you ran away,” Emma guessed, obviously remembering that Jane had been standing alone in the foyer when they’d left.
“Of course, I ran away. If I’d stayed, I might have forgiven him.”
“Would that really be such a bad thing? It’s been a long time. Perhaps he’s changed.”
“Nothing’s changed,” Jane insisted. “He’s incapable of loving anyone.”
***
JULIAN WENT DIRECTLYto his club after leaving the Earl of Warren’s townhouse, hoping to drown his sorrows in the bottom of a bottle. He settled at a corner table with a glass of brandy, staring into the fireplace as he contemplated all the ways the night had gone horribly wrong.
What had he expected? That Jane would willingly fall back into his arms again after all this time?
Perhaps he had. Perhaps he’d been dealing with courtesans and fallen women for so long that he’d forgotten how to actually woo a good woman.
Janewasa good woman. The very best. He didn’t deserve her, wasn’t even sure hewantedher, so what the hell was he doing? It wasn’t as though he could take her as his mistress. He’d never suggest such a thing or dishonor her in such a way. No, despite her unwarranted spinster status, Jane was still very marriageable. If anything, she was even lovelier now than when she’d been eighteen.
A week ago, he’d been completely satisfied with his bachelor status. He’d had no plans of ever marrying and would have been glad to go to his grave without ever having secured his line. But now...
Now he couldn’t stop remembering his first taste of love, how good Jane had been to him during the most trying time of his life.
He’d been just fourteen when his older brother and younger sister had died in a tragic accident. A year later, his mother had wasted away from grief and joined them. Three years later, his father had drunk himself to death, leaving Julian an earl at the age of eighteen. When he’d left school and arrived at his family’s country estate to assume his duties, it had been Jane who’d helped him through it.
They’d met in the woods that joined her father’s estate with his. With her, he’d finally been able to talk about his pain and anger. She’d been the one to help him understand that he needed to quit blaming his younger brother Ethan for what had happened to their siblings. She’d made him understand that his parents had been so lost in their own grief that they’d stopped being parents, but that it wasn’t his fault and he shouldn’t hate them.
She’d been his best friend, his confidante, and the only safe place in his life. There had been stolen kisses and heavy petting, but she’d never let him go any further, and he hadn’t pressed her, because he’d truly had every intention of marrying her.
