The rest of the eveningpassed in a blur of fine drink, food, and conversation. Through it all, Morgan stayed by Fiona’s side, his strong male presence and companionship both strange and welcome. She still couldn’t believe that he’d asked if he could court her. The whole idea seemed positively ludicrous, but she hadn’t had the heart to tell him no. Not in front of his family.
When they next found themselves alone, she had a thousand questions for him. How would a marriage between them look? What would his children think about her as their new mother? Would he expect her to leave Brookhaven?
Will he care that I can’t have children of my own?
And even if he had satisfactory answers to all of that, she still couldn’t imagine a world where a woman like herself, one who had been sold to the highest bidder, just like the poor children she took in, would be allowed to marry a man whose brother was an earl.
If anyone were to find out about her background, he would be absolutely shunned.
She knew he’d just say that his brothers had weathered the storms of their scandalous marriages all right, but she was nothing like Serenity and Vanessa. They managed to fit into this world effortlessly. She spent the entire meal terrified she’d use the wrong fork, that her lack of education was showing, that her dress was too gaudy.
But oh, what a beautiful fantasy it all was. The clink of silver and crystal, the warmth of the earl’s beautiful home, the lovely company. She’d long ago convinced herself that Brookhaven was enough, that the children were the only family she’d ever need, but tonight had shown her that was a lie. She wanted what Morgan had offered her. She wanted it desperately.
After dinner, when the men and women would normally have separated for drinks and conversation, the earl smiled at her and Morgan instead. “I sense the two of you have much to discuss. Why don’t you take the next hour or so to sort things out in private in the music room?”
Morgan’s look of relief mirrored what she was feeling though she knew this was all highly irregular and improper. “Thank you, Lucien. You’re absolutely right.”
Taking Fiona’s hand, Morgan led her down the hall to a small room where a fire burned merrily in the fireplace. The room held a pianoforte and a harp, and several other instruments she couldn’t even name. Ignoring all of them, he pulled her to a small sitting area near the fire, and she gratefully took a seat on a small sofa.
He sat beside her, so close that their thighs touched, and stared into her eyes. “I thought we’d never have a moment alone.”
She laughed. “Me either. It was all so overwhelming.”
He frowned. “The last thing I wanted was to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“They were all fine,” she hastened to reassure him. “They made me feel at home the best they could. It’s only that this place...” She waved helplessly at their surroundings. “It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. It’s beautiful but so grand. I can’t imagine ever actually living in a home like this.”
“My house is much cozier,” he told her, but she doubted that his version of cozy and hers were the same.
“That’s just it,” she said miserably. “I could never leave Brookhaven, Morgan. Surely, you know that.”
“We could hire someone else to run it,” he reasoned. “You could still be there every day if you wanted, but you deserve to have a life of your own. You deserve a family of your own as well.”
She bit her lip. “I can’t have children.” Just saying the words made her shudder, made too many horrifying memories of the man who’d beaten her within an inch of her life come flooding back. She didn’t even realize she was crying until Morgan leaned forward and caught one of her tears with his fingertip.
“Oh, Morgan. You deserve better than a woman who is... broken.”
He made a soft, wordless sound of sympathy and gathered her into his arms, holding her tightly and smoothing her hair with his hand. “I’m so sorry, darling. But I don’t care about that. You can be a mother to my children, if you like, and the children of Brookhaven will always belong to you, whether you live there or not.”
She drew in a deep, shuddering breath, stunned by his words, amazed that he hadn’t made her explain. Instead, he’d offered her something she’d never even dared to hope for.
The possibility of being Samuel, Hannah, and Felicity’s mother filled her with something she couldn’t even name. Although she thought of the children of Brookhaven as her own, she wasn’t an actual mother to them, but perhaps she really could be with Morgan’s children. She already loved them dearly. And the idea of occasionally having a break from Brookhaven, of not having her every single moment taken up with the many duties and demands... It was so dreadfully tempting.
But she knew in her heart that she could never trust anyone else to care for the children as she did, and the thought of leaving it all in the hands of someone else made her tremble. It would be incredibly selfish, and she’d been living for everyone else for so long she couldn’t even begin to imagine doing anything else.
“I don’t know,” she finally managed. “This is all so much to think about. Can you give me a little time?”
“Of course,” he murmured, pressing his lips against her temple. “You can take all the time you need. But in the meantime, I hope you’ll still allow me to take you on a few outings, to spend some more time with me in settings other than our work together at Brookhaven. I want us to get to know each other deeply, to explore these feelings between us and see what we can make of them.”
How could she resist such a seductive plea? “All right,” she whispered. “I would like that, too.”
“No more pushing me away?” he asked, a slight bit of mischief in his eyes.
She supposed it was no use pretending that she hadn’t been doing exactly that. “No more pushing you away,” she promised.
Unmistakable relief filled his eyes. “Would you be all right with sealing our new understanding with a kiss?”
Her pulse accelerated, and the passion that had been simmering between them since they met roared back to life. After everything she’d been through in her life, she’d never expected to feel this, and although it still terrified her, she had to admit she was as eager as he to explore it. Perhaps that was due to the fact that she absolutely knew that if she were to tell him to stop, at any point, he would. He would never intentionally hurt her; of this, she was certain. She trusted him, and perhaps that was the most terrifying thing of all.
