‘How’s Clemmie this morning?’
‘Caleb? Hi! What are you doing here?’ I cringed inwardly. What a stupid question!
‘I’ve got a packed day of appointments in the area and forgot to pick up my lunch before I left so it’s a meal deal for me.’
His eyes flicked to my basket and the butterflies in my stomach did a loop-the-loop. I had no idea whether the pregnancy tests were on clear view or buried under something else and I didn’t dare look down to check.
‘Clemmie?’ he prompted.
‘Oh, yeah, she’s fine. Not happy about the cone of shame but on good form.’
‘Pleased to hear it. I’d better let you get on. See you later.’
‘Yeah, enjoy your meal deal.’
Caleb smiled at me before heading towards the self-checkout. I glanced down into my basket where the test kit was on full view. He couldn’t have missed it. Would he think it was for me or for Maddie? Had I told him how old she was? I couldn’t remember but, even if I had, he’d probably conclude it was mine rather than my seventeen-year-old’s. Not that it made any difference if he did. Did it? I felt strangely uncomfortable at the thought of Caleb thinking I was pregnant, but standing here wasn’t getting me any closer to finding out if Maddie was. Spotting a smaller queue at one of the staffed tills, I loaded my items onto the conveyer belt. In about half an hour, we’d know for sure and, if the test was positive, it wasn’t only Maddie’s life that was about to significantly change course.
28
‘I can’t pee with you standing outside,’ Maddie called from the bathroom. ‘Can you wait in my bedroom?’
‘Okay, but be quick.’
My heart pounded as I paced up and down in Maddie’s room. Mam had left me a note to say she’d taken the dogs out for a walk so we had the house to ourselves which was just as well because I was a nervous wreck and she’d have known something was up if she’d seen me.
I jumped as I heard the lock turn on the bathroom door. Maddie appeared in her bedroom doorway moments later and I searched her face for an indication of the result, but it was blank.
‘Well?’ I asked.
She held up a test stick with her right hand. ‘Not pregnant.’
My hand fluttered to my throat. ‘You’re sure?’
She held up a second stick in her left hand. ‘Also not pregnant.’
Relief flowed through me but I was mindful that Maddie had spent the last couple of months believing she was expecting a baby and, even though it was way sooner than she’d hoped, itwas possible she’d got used to the idea and had been looking forward to having a baby.
‘How do you feel about that?’ I asked.
As her face crumpled and she burst into tears, I dashed across the room and wrapped my arms around her. Not knowing whether they were tears of relief or sadness, I remained quiet until they subsided. Leading her to sit down beside me on the edge of her bed, I waited for her to speak.
‘I can’t believe the tests are negative,’ she said eventually, still giving nothing away about how she felt.
‘Did you want them to be negative?’
She looked at me as though I was mad. ‘Of course! You think I wanted that asshole’s baby?’
‘Byasshole, can I assume you mean Alfie?’
‘Who else would it be?’
I thought it best not to respond to that. ‘Do you want to talk about what happened with him?’
I’d expected her to push me away but perhaps the relief at not being pregnant made her eager to unload everything. She told me that, when she started seeing Alfie, she’d stood by her intention of not losing her virginity before she turned eighteen and only to take that step with somebody she loved. She really liked Alfie but she didn’t love him. Some of the things he said and did irritated her including his fixation with his hair and his obsession with his trainers, which had me stifling a smile. He was her first serious boyfriend, she was flattered by the attention and there was more she liked than disliked about him so she saw no reason to end things.
Alfie knew early on that she had no intention of having sex with him and he claimed that he thought it was sweet but, after a few months together, he began applying pressure. Most of her friends were sexually active and she was mindful of her tendency to follow the crowd so it took a lot of willpower not to cave.
‘Carmen kept telling me not to give in to Alfie unless I was 100 per cent certain he was right for me and I thought she was being a great friend looking out for me but I think it was cos she was already hooking up with him and didn’t want me doing that too.’ She shuddered and screwed up her face. ‘Gives me the ick. Do you know what his excuse was for being with Carmen? Apparently he loved me and respected me too much to push for sex but he had needs. Said I could hardly blame him for getting them met elsewhere. Can you believe that?’
