My words died at Harper’s incredulous stare.
“What?” I asked, feeling like I’d made a horrible mistake.
“Absolutely not.” She climbed out of the bed, pulling on her sleep pants.
“Why not?” I said. “You just said you have so much to handle. I can help. I’m happy to help.”
“I know you are, Orion, and I’m so grateful for what you did last night. Last night was everything. But I can’t let you do that. That’s too much.”
“It’s not too much,” I said. “Really.”
But the air had changed. Grown colder, and I distinctly felt I wasn’t welcome to loiter in her bed anymore. I put on my tuxedo pants, then stood on one side of the room, Harper on the other, the bed between us.
“I appreciate the offer, Orion, but you don’t understand addiction,” Harper said. “If you clean up my mother’s mess, then she won’t have to. As much as it sucks, I need this to wake her up.”
“But what if it doesn’t?”
“Then it’s still my problem, not yours.” Harper’s voice hardened. “You paid for my car and that was plenty. That was already too much. There is no chance I’m letting you pay for this too.”
Images from last night flashed in my mind. Harper sobbing and sodden and bleeding…
“I don’t like seeing you hurt,” I said. “Not like how you were last night. Never again.”
“Neither do I,” Harper said. “But that’s not how life works.” She cocked her head. “Are you trying to keep me from being upset for my sake, or because it bothers you to see me upset?”
“Both.” I frowned. “I mean…what’s the difference?”
“The difference is you being there for me no matter what, and you being there for me in order to keep yourself comfortable.”
“That’s…ridiculous.” I drew on my shirt with a frustrated yank. “I don’t understand what the big deal is. This is a huge stress for you. Why not let me make it go away?”
She stared at me. “I just told you why not. Because my mother has to deal with the consequences of her actions. Otherwise, she’ll just take and take and fall deeper and deeper into her addiction. Not to mention the small matter of us. How am I supposed to be in a relationship with you with thousands of dollars of debt hanging over my head?”
“Because you won’t bein debtto me, for fuck’s sake,” I said. “You won’t owe me anything. I would never expect you to pay me back. Jesus, Harper.”
“But I’d feel it, Orion,” she cried. “An imbalance between us. All the time, every day. I already feel it. I’m already acutely conscious of hownot enoughI am every minute I walk down the halls of that fucking Academy. And you want to add to that?”
“I wouldn’t hold that over you and I never have,” I retorted. “It’s just dollars and cents anyway. Do you know how much money my family has? A roof is nothing to me—”
“It’s everything to me!” Harper shouted, then her hands flew to her throat, still raw. She glanced at the door, listening for Dash, then inhaled deep, eyes closed. When she opened them again, she spoke in a low, hard tone. “Thank you for the offer. And thank you for everything you did last night. But the answer is no.”
I sighed. “Look, I know I’m not the best at this sort of thing, but I’m trying—”
“No,you’re greatat this sort of thing. Last night, you were justhere. That’s all I needed. That is all I still need. Not you throwing money at the problem.”
The words chafed me. I’d heard them a hundred times, and one triggering memory specifically, when I’d overheard a teacher of minespeaking to another in the hallway at Morton.Orion’s parents don’t pay attention to his disability. They just throw money at the problem and hope he doesn’t embarrass them.
I ground my teeth, the memory flashing through me like a lightning bolt.
“I’m notthrowinganything. I’m trying tofixthe problem. But apparently you’d rather live in a leaking house—and let Dash live in a leaking house—instead.”
I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth, but it was too late to snatch them back. What little color Harper had in her cheeks drained away, and she glared at me.
“Bold of you to assume we don’t have the money to fix the roof ourselves,” she said, voice quivering. “The poor Bender without a pot to piss in, right?”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean… I just want to help, and it makes no sense that you won’t let me.”
“Yeah?” Harper snapped. “Well, it makes no sense to me that your parents have abandoned you to an ADHD diagnosis when it’s so obvious that something else is going on.”
