As the sun sinks, once Poppy has eaten her dinner alone in a quiet room—which is what she asked to do—we get her cleaned up and take her to the room next door. Renna's eyes widen, impressed. In three hours it has been transformed. A soft rug spreads itself over the stone floor. The king-sized bed has been replaced by a small toddler’s bed, the books on the shelf replaced with children's ones. Her teddy has appeared on her pillow.
And for the first time, we do bedtime together, and it takes fucking hours to get her to sleep.
Renna brings the blanket right up to Poppy’s chin. She’s worried, I think, because being a parent was never something she expected, and it has come out of nowhere. But I know Rennalya, and she loves more fiercely than anyone I’ve ever met. Poppy and I are lucky to have her.
I head outside with my hand in hers, watching Poppy sleep as we ease the door closed. "I've never been more sure about anything in my life as I am about you," I say, turning to face her in the dim hallway. She smiles up at me like I'm the one who put the stars in the sky, and I swear I feel twelve feet tall.
The hallway is silent and dark, save for the soft silver light of the moon. I think about how far we've come, how many memories we've shared in this very hallway. From leading her and Onyx through here the day I found her trespassing in my forest, to catching her spying on me from the rafters above our heads, to helping her walk down this hallway after she'd put the stone back because her body was too broken to do it on her own. I fell in love with her in this hallway.
We've laughed, cried, fought, grieved, sung, danced, and kissed under this roof, and now our daughter sleeps beneath it. “I’m very glad I met you, Commander Renna.”
She's crying now, and it's not just about Poppy. It's everything. It's months without regular sleep. It's the loss of her friend. It's the sheer amount of death we've seen this year. It's the physical toll we put on our bodies to be as strong as we are. It’s the amount of friends we've had to say goodbye to. It's what happened to Onyx, and it's the little ray of hope that sleeps in the next room.
"I'm not good at emotional words!" She says, through her tears. "But I am glad too, and I don't think I'm going to jilt you after all."
I laugh, tossing her over my shoulder, lighting the lanterns in the hallway in case Poppy wakes up, and taking Rennalya into our room. I deposit her onto the bed, hook my arms under her thighs, and in one smooth move, roll us over so she's straddling my face. She lets out a breathy moan, and I squeeze her thighs.
"Quiet, baby, we're parents now," I order, and I can hear her smile.
We’re parents now.
Chapter46
The Calm (Renna)
"So you and daddy are being married today?" Asks Poppy, as she lets me rub soap into her head. It's been slow progress, and she hasn't let me hug her yet, but she likes it when I massage her head, just like someone else I know.
"That's right, which means you've been here for six weeks now!" She's put a touch of weight on, her bones no longer so extremely visible, and she finally unpacked her bag this week. She's starting to believe us when we tell her she's here forever. It's been a joy to get to know her, even for such a short time. She loves horses and reading. Last week, we had a little three-day holiday, just the four of us in our log cabin in the trees.
It's beensohard. She screams at night, and won't let us near her some evenings. Sometimes she sits in her room and tells us not to come in all day, and all we can do is sit outside her door whilst she cries herself to exhaustion from damage inflicted before we even knew her.
I've criedsomany tears. Some days I feel like I'm on the back foot with her compared to Rexxan, who's she's known for almost all of her life. She lets him see so much more of her heart than she does me, but I wouldn't change any of it for the world. She just needs some time and lots of love, and I have bags of both to give her. "You still don't want to come?"
Small arms splash around in the bubbles. "How many people?"
"Not very many. Less than twenty," I hold up my fingers twice to show her how many. "Siddie will be there."
"Siddie!" She sings, and I laugh. She's in love with her big brother already, who takes her down to feed the horses. "I not going."
"That's alright," I kiss the top of her head. She doesn't like loud rooms yet, and she doesn't trust all of our friends, so she's staying at home tonight. It's our first ever night away from her in the forty-five days she's been with us, and Rexxan is not coping well. He has half the army guarding our halls for the night, with even more lining the gardens below our balcony. You'd think we are expecting a full-on invasion.
"Uncle Onnie?"
"He'll be with you all the way until the morning. You're sure you're happy for us to go?"
Poppy nods, her soapy curls bouncing. "Onnie and I can eat sweets."
"What?!" I screech, and she bursts into laughter, splashing the bubbles. "Let's not tell your father." I put bubbles on my chin in the shape of a beard and imitate Rexxan's ludicrously deep voice. "You girls need to stop eating all the sweets!" I growl, and she laughs harder as I reach to get her a warm towel.
"Up we get then, Anpopeia."
"Is Renna your big name too?"
"No, mine is Rennalya. Daddy uses it when he's cross with me."
"Is he cross at me?"
"No, not at all. You're not trouble like I am. We absolutely love being your parents, Poppy. We feel so lucky."
