"Pretty much any way except how you've just reacted,” I say, but she doesn’t laugh. She looks genuinely bewildered, and an ache forms in my chest. My voice softens. “You don't have to react, Renna, just keep it and repay me by wearing it at my side tonight."
Two more nights. That's all I have with her.
"Okay, thank you. Wow. My tits look great. You're really lucky," she whispers, making me laugh out loud. She sighs with relief like she can breathe at last. "You can turn around now, I've taken it off."
I disappointedly watch her dress again before rattling through my meetings for the day, finishing with a meeting with Lynna and Aanen on the success of their two-week training course with Espan's best healers. When we finish, Aanen leaves, but Lynna stays to give me that look that women do when they want you to do something but won't say what.
"You're seriously going to leave Renna in two days?"
"I absolutely am," I say, not looking up from my notes as I write up the uses of different Evergreen enchantments on mortal illnesses.
"Don't let her get away."
"I'm not 'letting' her do anything. She has her people, I have mine. She has her life, I have mine. Neither of us can leave our jobs, Lynna. I would not ask her to become less than what she is now. We've had our fun and it's over."
Lynna sighs, brushing hip-length white hair over her shoulder. "It's not justfun, Rex, is it? What we did wasfun. Look me in the eye and tell me that what you have with her is the same as what you had with me."
She’s doing a tremendous job of twisting the knife. “It’s the same. We fuck. That's it."
"If you leave her now, you'll always wonder."
I put my pencil down with more force than is necessary. "And what would you have me do, Lynna? Have her leave her dream as the Shadow Commander so she can come home and be a trophy wife in my palace? Renna is not made to be a Queen. She is not made for public appearances and smiling in a dress on a balcony. She is built for bigger and better things. Her and I are nothing, and we cannot be anything more than that."
"Just try, Rexxan. I've never known you meet an impasse you couldn't resolve.”
And with that irritatingly cryptic comment, she leaves with her bodyguard in a blur of white satin.
In the blink of an eye, I realise I have spent two hours at my desk. I send a messenger for Renna, and she comes through the door in no time at all. She looks bloody and bruised with cuts raking across her chalk-dusted hands, and I suspect she has had a long day at work. I break the silence before she does, for once.
"Have you signed your contracts for autumn and winter yet?"
She slips two blood-stained documents out of her black jacket, unfolding them. Everything Renna owns is just covered in blood. Its disturbing. "I’m undecided on which offer to take. You're good at finances and numbers, aren’t you? Help me choose?"
"Who wants you?"
The corner of her tongue pokes out her mouth as she reads the two. She makes my heart feel better. "Ocealia—sixteen weeks of work for the whole army. Pays more than Espan, but Espan has offered twenty-four weeks of work,andhe pays for all our food, healing, and rooms in inns for anyone who needs one. I’ve had an offer from Hela too, but I declined it because the mountains are so cold in winter."
I take a third document out of my drawer. "I know this makes your decision harder. I want to put an offer in too. Twenty weeks, and you'll have safe accommodation in a camp near my Eastern Gate. You'll be supporting my army and working as spies and scouts. I want you as one of my advisors on the Royal Counsel too."
Her eyes widen, reading the contract. "Rexxan, this is a lot of money."
I hope it’s enough. "I can't help you choose, Renna. Read them all, read the nature of the work, discuss it with your army, and then decide."
"I... I need a few days," she whispers, folding all three. "Why? Why now? You haven't wanted my people, ever."
I could tell her five hundred reasons, but I don’t. "Think about it," I say, standing. "And I'll pick you up from Lynna's room at seven."
* * *
Noneof the words in all of the languages I speak can adequately describe the way I feel when Renna steps out of Lynna's bedroom door. Nothing comes close. Nothing does her justice. The dark green satin dress I'd chosen shows off every curve of her body. Renna is a lethal weapon, honed and crafted into the perfect killer, but in this dress she could kill for a whole different reason.
I’m struggling to think straight as I take her in. The vague outline of her nipple piercing is visible beneath the fabric. Her hair is free of its usual ponytail, hanging loose and glossy by her waist. The off-the-shoulder sleeves expose her flawless skin, the soft swell of her breasts, the contours of her collarbones. Her toned arms are free of jewellery, save for the gold and emerald bracelet I'd chosen for her.
She's just beautiful. Beauty in its purest form. I'm captivated by her eyes, ever my favourite feature of hers, so dark and full of mischief. Black liner runs along her eyelids in a sharp point, her lashes stained black. A blush creeps across her cheeks when I don’t say anything and I can tell she is a little nervous. She's not dressed up this much before and the look in her eyes is begging me to say something.
"I'm no better than all those other men, because I'd kneel at your feet for the rest of my fucking life."
"You look...um...good," she squeaks, her face red. She's flustered, for once in her life. Cute. I look down at my satin shirt, tailored to fit me and made from the same material as her dress. "Why are you always so well dressed? Do you have a stylist?"
