“I think it’s her job as your parent to put the effort in for you,” Lex says, choosing her words carefully. “If she’s not willing to do that, then I don’t think you should waste your time feeling guilty for not putting energy into a one-sided relationship.”
I weigh her words, a tug-of-war fighting inside me. One side thinks that if I work harder at having a relationship with my mom that things will change. They’ll be different. That the past isn’t indicative of the future. The other side of me, the side that remembers my childhood of never feeling good enough, of searching for validation that never came, of being constantly alone...
I give myself a shake. Force myself to smile. Now’s not the time to harp on it. “You’re right. I have more important people in my life that I don’t need to beg to spend time with me.”
Lex hoists her glass toward me, smile shining. “You definitely do.”
We clink glasses, and gratitude swells in my chest for how lucky I am to have found a friend like Lex.
“Okay,” Lex says, setting her glass down and opening her notebook. “We haven’t had a chance to recap the last few dates. You ready to get into it?”
I clap my hands. “Born ready!”
“Let’s start with our last date.”
“Fancy Car Guy.”
She nods. “In my opinion, we got a little too close to another hospital visit.”
“True.”
“And—” she raises an eyebrow and fits me with a glare “—you broke your promise about not putting yourself in danger.”
“Hey now,” I say, poking her in the arm. “The dude’s car fucked up and locked us in! I had nothing to do with that.”
“Pretty sure you deliberately disobeyed the one rule we agreed to.”
“What you witnessed,” I clarify, “was the curse taking its full effect.”
She gives her head an amused shake. “If you say so.”
“Okay, who was before that? I can’t remember, all the dates are blurring together.”
Lex looks at her notes. “Momma’s Boy.”
“You mean the guy who swiped right because my name was the same as his mom’s and he was turned on by it?”
She chuckles. “Yes, that one.”
I think for a moment. “Attraction, four. Compatibility, three. Awkward, five.”
She jots it down. “Okay. What about the guy who clearly fetishized natural blondes and was super disappointed to find out you dyed your hair?”
“Oof. I’d say, four, two, and one.”
“And the guy who thought you were an escort and tried to pay you fifty bucks for a hand job?”
I grin. “You mean the one where you came up and said you were an off-duty cop and he was under arrest? And he ran away so fast he tripped on his own feet and knocked over a tray of drinks?”
Lex chuckles. “That was too good.”
I rub at my cheeks, which are sore from smiling. “Okay, that guy’s rating would be like, a two? Maybe? Twos across the board.”
“Alright, that catches us up.”
“What’s next, my skeptical little genius?”
Lex opens her mouth to speak, pauses to fit me with a look, and then flips to a new page. “We have lots of data on the curse as it works today, but I don’t know much about what went on in the past.”
