“Why not?” I pout.
“Because I’m not going to let any miscommunications happen. We always speak our truth, we always say what we mean, and if anything ever needs to be said, it’s said right away. Deal?”
I offer her my pinky finger. “Deal.”
With a teasing roll of her eyes, she takes my pinky finger in hers and gives it a weak shake. “So, tell me. What are you nervous about?”
“I’ve never been in a real relationship,” I say slowly. “The longest I’ve ever dated anyone has been a few weeks, tops. The curse always fucked everything up. What if I’m a shitty partner?” My stomach sinks. The last thing I want to do is let Lex down, especially after everything she’s been through recently with her divorce.
“I’m not worried about you being a bad partner.”
“You’re not?”
She shakes her head. “Nope. We’re best friends. We clicked immediately, despite the rough start we had to our relationship. Every moment with you is the next best moment of my life. And now our friendship continues, just like it was, but with the added bonus of intimacy—as much or as little as we like.”
My toes curl with excitement. “Like one big slutty sleepover?”
Lex snorts a laugh, dimples on full display. “Yes.”
“I like the sound of that.” I lean over to kiss her again. I’ll never get tired of how soft her lips feel against mine, how tender her touch is where she strokes my cheek, how much she seems to relish me. Leaning back against the cushions, I take a moment to admire Lex: the dainty curve of her nose, her long neck, the serious pinch to her brow, her short, tousled brown hair. I remember when she cut her hair, and how she started dressing more masculine, and in hindsight how she was very obviously presenting herself as more queer, and yet I didn’t pick up on it.
“It’s kind of funny,” I say, nibbling on my cinnamon bun.
“What is?”
“How I didn’t clock you as gay until I saw you with Lynn.”
Lex nods. “Yeah, I don’t know how I could have made it more obvious.”
“Was that really why you left your husband?” I ask, unsure if it’s appropriate to ask.
Lex pops a bite of pastry into her mouth and chews before answering. “He was a good guy—isa good guy—and I loved him. It wasn’t his fault I wasn’t true to myself. He fell in love with a version of me that wasn’t real, and that I didn’t want to maintain anymore. It wasn’t fair to either of us. I just got to a point where I realized,is this really who I want to be? Why am I even alive if I always have to pretend to be someone I’m not?So, I left. I left my seemingly perfect life, with my seemingly perfect partner, and my seemingly perfect family. I decided being true to myself was more important. I lost everything, but I don’t regret it.”
“No?”
“Not at all.” Lex looks at me. Shakes her head. Smiles. “I knew that if I was finally able to be myself, I’d find someone who loves me for who I truly am. And I did.”
I lean across the space between us and kiss her again, tasting the sugar on her lips, the spice on her tongue. “I’m so proud of you,” I whisper. “You’re so brave.”
Lex kisses me again. “You make it all worthwhile.”
“So... am I the first woman you’ve been with? Or, was Lynn...?” I ask, pulling tentatively away.
“Lynn and I didn’t get that far.”
I can’t help but exhale in relief. “So, am I your first?”
“No. I’ve been with a few women through the years, but nothing serious,” Lex muses. “My first time having sex was actually with a girl.”
My brows shoot up. “Really?”
“At the time I didn’t feel like it counted because there was no penetration. You know, the patriarchy and all that.” She whirls a finger through the air, and I nod knowingly before she continues. “It was just a regular sleepover with a friend of mine. We were watching an R-rated movie. There was a sex scene, and we both looked at each other and said, ‘tingly!’ It was a joke we’d had going on. But hands under blankets began to explore, and one thing led to another and...” Lex blushes, and I expect to feel some sort of jealousy, but I don’t.
“I’m glad your first time was so nice,” I say, and I mean it. I’m glad she’s had good experiences with other people. She deserves that.
“Sorry your first time was so terrible.” Lex’s mouth twists.
I shrug. “I had it coming.”
