Unfortunately, my brain was too distracted trying to formulate some sort of speech to explain how I’m dating his sister,nothim, and I couldn’t switch it over to work. Which is why I’m here, in this meeting, with a blank notebook and an even blanker brain. I already had an inkling that I was the most useless member of Team Rainbow, but now I’m sure. After this they’ll cut the dead weight and I’ll be out of a job. I can’t deal with that right now, not in this economy. My feet aren’t nearly nice enough for FeetFinder.
After a few moments the team filters in, the energy uncertain excitement for our plans to be rolling forward faster than anticipated, mixed with the weight of the incident that occurred and how traumatic it’s been for so many queer kids out there. As one might expect, this incident has caused division among Canadians—some siding with the injured teen, while others are calling the kids who hurt her heroes for defending “biological women,” as if such a thing exists.
Ebele strides in, looking sharp in a wine-coloured pantsuit and flowy white blouse. She surveys the room and we all exchange curt pleasantries before her eyes lock on me.
“Aubrey,” she says, her voice filling the room. “Do you mind going first? I’m curious what your ideas are since you weren’t present for the rest of the meeting.”
My heart stutters and falls out my butt. I try to remind myself how to breathe as my mind completely blanks. “I think it would, uh, be beneficial to know what the rest of the team has come up with before sharing, if that’s o—”
“No idea is a bad idea. Just tell us what you’re thinking, get the conversation going.” Ebele offers a warm smile before taking her seat, leaving the floor open for me.
Without consciously being aware that I’m doing it, I manage to find my way to my feet and navigate to the front of the room. Every single noise is amplified—the squeak of Linda’s chair as she gently rocks back and forth, the tap of Samantha’s nails on the desk, the clicking of Jasleen’s pen.
I clear my throat, which I think is closing on me. “So, the, uh...” Sweat prickles at my brow. I blink around the room. The team’s expectant gazes are zeroing in, as if they can read my mind and see how empty it is. I imagine Lex sitting there, watching me with her intense baby blues, cheering me on silently for my amazing idea that’s going to change the world. An idea I don’t have.
Then, one pops into my head. An amazing idea. The best idea I’ve ever had... except it’s not mine. I’d read the idea yesterday, on someone else’s desk.
Before I can stop myself, my mouth is moving and words are tumbling out and sentences are being formed. “We should focus on the link between colonization, white supremacy, and how they are intertwined with gender expectations.” I look up to see Jasleen’s eyes bulge, just as shocked by what I said as I am.
Ebele hums low in her throat. “Interesting. Can you explain?”
Oh, fuck.I clear my throat as I try to remember various snippets of a documentary I watched years ago, a few blog posts I’d read, and the rest of Jasleen’s notes. “Western colonizers imposed their rigid ideas of gender and sexual binary constructs on Indigenous peoples when they—we—came over here. The enforcement of these ideologies is linked with colonization. The two cannot be separated. There’s been a shift toward decolonization, toward freeing our minds of those constructs, but most people don’t know about this specific link.”
I can feel Jasleen’s glare, which I avoid returning, because I may just pass out if I see the way she’s looking at me. Instead, I keep my eyes on Ebele, gauging her reaction.
“Very interesting,” Ebele states. “And how would we use this information to further our goals of implementing mindfulness in British Columbian schools?”
Holy ballsacks, she’s really putting me on the spot.I say what comes to mind first: “Thanks to steps forward in reconciliation, most schools already have branches where they focus on First Nations studies and education. We could work within these existing programs, bring more funding into them, and have mindfulness implemented as part of cultural education and understanding. Gender binary ideas, anti-trans rhetoric, and phobias of sexual expression are all linked to colonization, and so it makes logical sense to implement our programs while working under the existing umbrella alongside our First Nations allies.”
A ghost of a smile traces Ebele’s lips. “This is... genius.”
All the air whooshes out of my lungs. I’m not sure how I’m still standing.
“Great work, Aubrey. You may sit.”
With shaky legs I find my way to my seat and lower myself into it with a long exhale.
“Jasleen, do you have any thoughts?” Ebele asks.
My eyes dart from Ebele to Jasleen, who fits me with a glare so intense I’m surprised I don’t spontaneously combust.
“Actually, I do.” Jasleen’s chin lifts slightly.
My heart pounds. My hands shake. She’s going to call me out. She’s going to show Ebele her notes and prove that I’m a dirty rotten thief.
“Aubrey’s idea is solid,” she says instead. “We should go with that.”
I have to physically stop my mouth from falling open. Jasleen’s cheeks turn a darker shade of brown as she keeps her gaze fixed on our boss.
The rest of the meeting goes by in a blur, and by the time I’m back in my office I feel like I’m hovering somewhere above my body rather than an active participant in life.
I worried Jasleen would come into my office to confront me about stealing her idea. But she didn’t, which only makes me feel worse. By the time work is over, all I want to do is go home, call Lex, and see if she can come over with a bottle of wine and some Thai food, turn my bad day around and disappear into the comfort of her embrace. Unfortunately, I already promised to meet with Olsen. I wish I could cancel our plans, but I promised Lex I’d clear the air with him. I can’t avoid it any longer, not with Gabe’s play a few days away.
As I navigate to where I agreed to meet Olsen, I still have no idea what I’m going to say to him. And, unlike work, I can’t steal someone else’s notes for it.
chapter twenty-four
Basically a Sister
