So she was definitely not going to be in support of me retiring from the league. That much was clear. I’d guessed she might react this way, but it still stung.
“I’m burned out,” I said firmly. “I’m sick of social media. I’m sick of the pressure. I’m tired of eating like a machine. I’m tired of having to train. My body hurts all the time.”
“Well, I hate to break it to you, kid, but that’s part of getting older.”
“It goes beyond that.” My jaw tightened. “Did you call me just to berate me?”
“I called you to try to talk some sense into you. I heard you’re in Texas, of all places. Whynot? What the hell is in Whynot?”
“Well, it was my home in the summers.”While you remarried and had two other kids you loved and didn’t get annoyed by.
“But your home is up here. You could have visited me. You never do. And if you didn’t want to see me, you could have gone to the lake house. Going back to the middle of nowhere, to where your dad used to be, just seems unlike you.”
I understood that it probably hurt a little to know I’d picked coming out here over visiting her. If I were my own absent parent, maybe I’d be confused too.
“I needed to escape. I’ve met a couple of people here . . .”
I trailed off, thinking about Mateo and Avery. How did I describethatto her? That I was polyamorous? That I’d met two people I was thinking about moving to Texas for? That I was very much considering ignoring my agent for the rest of my life and fading into nonexistence? That maybe, just maybe, the idea of calling Texas home made me feelexcited.
“I don’t know. I’m kind of thinking about moving to Texas.” My voice was a soft whisper, like I was confessing something. In a way, I was. I hadn’t said this to anyone. “Why not?”
Her laugh was grating. “You can’t be serious. Surely not, Levi. You’ve worked so hard to get to where you are. The countless hours I put in taking you to practice. Driving you to games. Spending money on your gear.”
“This isn’t about you, though,” I said. “It’s not about you having a hockey star for a son. It’s about you having a son who is happy.”
More silence. Long enough that I started to wonder if the cell service had dropped. Hell, I kind of hoped it had?—
“All right, I’m sorry. I’m coming on a little strong, aren’t I?”
“A little,” I said tightly.
“I’m sorry. I was worried about you and when I didn’t hear from you, I started to worry even more.”
“I really am sorry about that,” I said. “I didn’t mean to ignore you. I’ve just been having a hard time. I’ve been ignoring almost everyone. Even my agent.”
She laughed. “Oh god. I’m sure she hates that.”
“She does. She’s threatened to drag me back to Minnesota if I try to stay.”
“Wouldn’t put it past her.” She let out a long sigh. “Listen. You’ve worked for years for this, Levi. And we both know most hockey players are out before forty. You’re so close to that. You could ride it out for the next couple years and get those sponsorships. Set yourself up for the future.”
“I’ve got plenty of money already,” I said. “And I’ve been smart with it.”
“I know. I just don’t want you to do something you’ll regret for the rest of your life.”
The question wasn’t if I’d regret walking away from my career—it was if I would regret letting Avery and Mateo go.
“I met someone,” I whispered. “Two someones.”
“Two?”
“Yeah.”
“Like two people you’re interested in?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Well. If it’s meant to be, they’ll still be there when you finish your career out. And if it’s meant to be, they’ll understand.”
