Connor seethes. “That fucking prick.”
Instinctively, I turn to face him and see the rage in his clenched jaw and burning eyes. “It’s okay,” I say soothingly. “It’s in the past.”
Besides, Rhys wasn’t wrong. Sure, his constant reminders made me feel like shit, but his point was valid.
“I will never use that name again, I promise,” Connor says, and I believe him. He would never do anything to intentionally hurt me.
I reassure him that I believe him with a smile and a nod, and he busies himself with moving our plates and bringing out dessert. Again, he’s gone overboard and ordered a platter of what looks like samples of anything sweet the kitchen serves. I’ve already eaten too much, and our conversation about muffin tops is still racing through my head. I don’t say anything, but Connor can read the subtitles on my face.
“You’re having dessert, even if I have to feed you myself,” he croons in my ear. He sits back down.
“I think I already know the answer to my last question, but I’m going to ask anyway,” he says, spooning crème brûlée and bringing it to my mouth. I open and let him feed me as he continues. “You said earlier that you’ve never had an orgasm with someone else. Didn’t Rhys ever notice?”
I splutter around the creamy dessert in shock. “I don’t honestly know. If he did, he never mentioned it.”
Connor scoops a spoonful of dark chocolate torte and feeds it to me again, then takes a bite himself.
“But you didn’t mention it to him either?” he finally asks.
I shrug my shoulders and shake my head in response.
“Why?” he asks.
“It’s my issue, no one else’s. I use so much brain power overthinking everything that I don’t have the capacity to enjoy it. I didn’t want to pass my burden on to him.”
“Okay.” He raises a spoonful of Eton mess to my lips. “Let me make this clear. This is a new relationship, with new rules. I want to know about anything like this immediately. Anything that affects your happiness is not a burden to me. It’s important. And right now, making sure you can come is my top priority.”
Chapter 33
You’ve ruined me
“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Connor asks for the millionth time this morning.
“Of course I don’t! I can cope on my own for a couple of hours,” I say, rolling my eyes at him playfully.
When Andy sent Connor a message asking if he wanted to grab lunch and catch up today, Connor was ready to decline because he didn’t want to ‘abandon’ me. Luckily, I found out before he sent his reply and convinced him to go. The guilt of keeping him from having a good time with his old friend would have eaten me alive.
“I remember there used to be a book shop nearby somewhere, I think I might try to hunt it down,” I add.
This seems to settle Connor’s concern somewhat, and the lines on his forehead smooth. “Okay. But keep your phone on in case you get lost. And don’t walk around with your earbuds in.”
“Yes, Dad,” I reply sarcastically. “I’ve been a fully functioning human for a while now, Connor. I can survive a little walkaround town.”
“Okay, okay!” He laughs and puts his arms around me. “I know I’m being overprotective, but I can’t help it. You are all I ever think about. I can tell you right now I won’t be able to focus on anything Andy says today because my attention will always fly back to you. You’ve ruined me, Tilly.”
Connor kisses me with enough passion to make my head spin in the most delicious way. After he pulls away, he grabs his phone and wallet and heads out the door with a final warning to ‘Be careful’.
Once the door clicks shut, I collect my own things together ready to leave for a couple of hours. With a final glance around to check I haven’t forgotten anything, I turn off the light and leave.
Alone with my thoughts for the first time in days, I quietly hum a tune in an attempt to distract my mind. I take my time going down the stairs and stop humming for a moment when I pass by an old man going the other way. When I reach the foyer, I lower my sunglasses from my head to my eyes and fling open the front door, ready to bask in the glorious sunshine we’ve been blessed with so far.
“Oh.” My shoulders drop as I take in the weather.
The clear blue sky has been replaced by a miserable grey, with clouds covering most of the weak sun. Brisk winds whip up the sea across from the hotel, its waves crashing onto the barren beach. Pulling my denim jacket tighter around myself, I set off towards the shops, leaving my sunglasses on to hide what’s left of the bruise around my eye.
As I walk along the long road, my thoughts wander to Connor, and I can’t help but smile. How did I get lucky enough to be with someone like him? He’s kind, funny and considerate, not to mention good looking. When I’m around him, I feel at peace. He calms me. He’s about as close to perfect as a person could be, and he’s mine. I still don’t understand how or why he loves me,but he does. At least for now. Sooner or later, he’ll realise that we’re not evenly matched and leave me, and I won’t blame him. I’ll be devastated, but I won’t blame him.
The skies darken even further, and I quicken my pace so I reach the shelter of the shops before it rains, but when I get to the high street, I find I don’t recognise anything. Stores I remember from my childhood have disappeared, and new ones have opened selling souvenirs and fast food. With the clouds rolling in, I duck into a souvenir shop just in time to miss the fat drops of rain that start to fall.
