Page 23 of Flight of the Omega

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JP hated heat.Or maybe he hated his mind, because one minute everything was going along swimmingly, and the next he was stuck in that goddamn lab again. He felt bad for Jack. Jack had been patient and gentle, and JP still almost dissociated or melted down every time they got to touching. They’d had sex once during the last two weeks, which was quite a few times less than JP thought they should have. Jack probably wouldn’t disagree with that. But that once had been almost more than JP could stand.

Jack didn’t say anything about it, though, and that made JP feel worse. He felt like he should be doing more for Jack, for being so kind and patient when JP was so fucked up.

It wasn’t like it had been bad either. In fact, it had been the opposite. It was the best sex JP had ever had—not that he’d had a lot of good experiences. He’d even climaxed. He’d never done that before. He didn’t know how Jack explained it to him with a straight face. He was embarrassed after; he was nineteen, he’d had sex before. He should have known.

Shouldn’t he have known?

Jack didn’t seem to mind anyway. It had been good for him, and it had been good for JP up until the point Jack had come inside him. Then the sensation of being sticky and warm had been too much, like all the times he’d been held down and fucked, and Jack above him had been holding him down, suddenly not Jack at all.

Maybe he needed a lobotomy. Maybe then he could be normal, and he and Jack could have sex more. Because just forgetting about it, trying to focus on Jack and the here and the now, was only getting him so far.

Jack seemed to think it was some big accomplishment that they’d managed to even have one round of intercourse. JP supposed it was, but it also felt like it drove home just how screwed up he was.

He was less feverish on the fourteenth day, and he supposed that meant he was moving into the part of his cycle where the egg would calcify. Then he’d have to pass it. That was always unpleasant. It usually took about a week, and the egg was always small and fragile. The doctor in the lab had told him that was wrong too. Something to do with it not being fertilized properly. A dud egg.

Maybe he was just fucked up all the way around.

He wanted to try again before his heat was over. If he could mostly ignore his libido during heat, he wasn’t sure he’d ever want anything outside of it. And by the time his next heat rolled around, well, who knew? He might be at the feather factory. Someone might have hauled him down back and put him out of his misery. Jack wouldn’t, but he didn’t doubt Burr would. Burr seemed like the type to follow orders without question.

He wanted to try again for Jack’s sake. And maybe a bit for himself too. It had felt good. Maybe, if he could stay in the present more, it would be even better.

The challenge was getting there. He could think of all the ways it could go wrong much faster than he could think of a single way it could go right. With his heat fading, he had to fight himself more and more. It was easier not to. Much easier not to.

“I don’t wanna do anything if you’re not having fun,” Jack told him as he broke away from JP again.

“I am having fun,” he protested.

Jack quirked a brow. “Are you?”

“Of course!” JP had no idea how to prove he was having fun, especially when he felt like he was forcing himself a bit.

“It ain’t fun if you’re not into it.”

“I am into it!” He was waiting for aprove itor something like that, but Jack said nothing, just stared off into the distance for a moment. His brow knitted.

“Let’s try something else then,” he said.

“Like what?” JP asked, even as he was hauled into Jack’s lap.

“Well,” the alpha drawled, “I’ve put you on your back once, but it seems to me you might like to be in charge.”

“In charge?” JP asked, absently looping his arms around Jack’s neck.

“Mm. Omega on top.”

“Oh,” JP said, feeling heat creep into his cheeks.

Jack ruffled his hair fondly. “You think that might work for you?”

JP nodded minutely, even though he was terrified. Being put in charge meant he might get cold feet and he could bail. If he was on his back or facedown, Jack had control over him, and he couldn’t just turn chicken and run away.

But that also made him nervous. He’d been pinned down, forced.

He nodded with a little more conviction as Jack’s grip tightened over his hips. “We can try,” he said.

“Good,” Jack said, and JP wondered if his hand rubbing over JP’s flank was supposed to be distracting or comforting. It was just making JP nervous, like Jack was trying to lull him into a false sense of security before tossing him down and fucking him without mercy.