Page 48 of Saved By the Selkie

If he thinks anything about it, he doesn’t say it. Instead, he turns away, engaging Porthos in conversation. I sigh, partially in disappointment and partially in relief. I don’t know what would have happened if he kept looking at me.

Blizz pulls away from me, whining and leaning his head against me, which is a distraction I’m grateful for. I wipe him down, then wrap him up again, cuddling him close.

My heat’s going to be on me before I know it. I wish it wasn’t; I want longer with Blizz, but I’m not going to be able to stop myself. I can already feel it.

I look down at Blizz, who peers up at me with his dark eyes. I feel almost guilty; he has no idea what’s coming. I kiss the top of his head gently and wish things could be different.

twenty-six

Aramis

W

e’ve spent three days in the village when Porthos finally delivers good news: there’s a ship docking south of here in about a month. We should be able to hitch a ride with them to one of the ports on the main line. From there, I’ll be able to get back to New York, and then, I can worry about what to tell my patron.

Of course, that also means I have to talk to Lir, who has been acting increasingly strange over the last few days. Every time I look at him, he looks away, and any time I try to talk to him, he gets this blank look on his face and zones out. It’s like he doesn’t hear a word I say.

I don’t entirely blame him. I can’t stop thinking about him sitting on the floor of the igloo, completely naked, nursing our son.

I’m a little perturbed that he was apparently turned on?

Then again, so was I.

I don’t really know what to say to him about it. The whole thing feels super embarrassing, for both of us.

The zoning out thing has got to stop, though. If I’m going to go south and then to New York, we need to have a very serious conversation.

A conversation I don’t really know how to have. I’ve already promised myself I won’t force Lir to do anything he doesn’t want to. That’s how we ended up in this whole horrible mess in the first place. I have to let him choose.

Even if he does think he came with me willingly. Even if he does think he made his own choice—I still stole his pelt and kept it from him.

I don’t expect to be forgiven, and I’m certainly not going to be surprised if he chooses to stay here or even go back to Mythos.

I’m hoping he doesn’t.

Maybe that’s why I’m trembling when I meet him under the stars by one of the ice-fishing holes. I can’t tell what time it is; it’s always night here now, and the aurora dances along the horizon, some mockery of sunrise.

It’s still breathtaking.

The air is biting cold, and the snow crunches under my shoes as I approach. Lir is on his belly, his head practically in the hole, totally ignoring the rod Anna told him to use.

He doesn’t lift his head when I plonk down beside him. The snow is cold, even through the layers of my pants and borrowed parka. I wrap my arms around my knees.

Lir lifts his head at last. There’s frost in his hair, and his nose and cheeks are bright red with the cold. I wonder if he actually stuck his face in the water.

“Hey,” I say as his gaze focuses on me.

“Oh,” he almost whimpers, “Aramis.”

I don’t know why he looks so crestfallen—does he somehow know what I’m here to talk to him about?

I don’t think it matters what he tells me; I feel like my heart’s already broken. I take a deep breath, ready to begin my spiel, but he says, “You shouldn’t have come here.”

I stare at him for what feels like a whole minute. “What?” I finally manage to ask. “What do you mean, I shouldn’t have come here? Are you that mad at me?”

He shakes his head. I grit my teeth, partially to keep them from chattering with the cold. “Then why shouldn’t I be here?” I snap. “It’s not just your fishing hole, y’know, I have a right to go anywhere I want—”

While I’m babbling, he reaches over and shoves me. Even at the best of times, I couldn’t hope to offer him much of a challenge—he’s that much stronger than me. Right now, though, I think anyone could knock me over with a feather, so I go easily, toppling into the snow.