“I was invited and had no reason to stay away,” I reply. “I didn’t want to be rude.”
He puts a hand over his heart, as if I’ve wounded him. “And I thought you were here for me,” he says.
I shrug. I know I decided not to sleep with this man, but maybe I’m torn.
“Let me grab you another drink,” he says. “What’re you having?”
“I’ll get it myself, thanks,” I say, “but you can go with me.”
We walk over to the kitchenette, and I grab myself a fresh bottle of hard lemonade.
“Did you watch me play?” Michael asks, like a little kid asking for validation. He’s putting it on like he’s nervous, but I don’t think this guy gets nervous when it comes to flirting. He’s got all the charisma of a suburban tomcat, going around increasing the population.
“I did tonight. We watched the concert, and it was quite a production.” I sip my drink. He’s waiting for more. “You had some cool moments with the dramatic changes in ‘Consider It’, and that remix was probably my favorite part of the show tonight.”
This song is normally a fast-paced dance song with a steady beat, but in the live version, they slowed it down and added some drum solos. Thematically, it worked well. The song is about burning bridges, and it was really dramatic the way it was changed up.
“Yeah, I like being able to really bring that song to life, you know?” His ego stoked, he’s suddenly comfortable enough to get in my bubble. He drapes an arm around my shoulders and whispers in my ear, “Want to escape to my room for a bit? No one will miss you; we’ll be back before your singer friend even notices you’re gone.”
I don’t think he meant to insult me with the line that I’m unnoticeable and forgettable, but it’s definitely giving me a bad vibe. Plue, the residual self-loathing induced by my intrusive thoughts has me wondering if I’m about to fall back into bad habits.
So much of me wants to use this man, and it’s obvious he wants to use me too. He wants my body simply because he hasn’t had it yet, and I want to have a reason to hate myself and a distraction from Eric.
If I say yes, then maybe I can move on, as if sex with Eric was just another fling. Maybe I’ll be able to get through the next two weeks of this tour without waiting for him, without wanting him. Maybe I won’t want him at all.
Except I know that with Michael, it would be just sex. Probably great sex, even, but I can’t ignore the truth in my bones—everything between me and Eric has always been so much deeper than sex.
Before I can give Michael an answer, Lilli comes back around with Ash and Eric in tow. Michael doesn’t react at all to their entrance; maybe he doesn’t even notice, but I do. I’m acutely aware of Eric balling up his fists, his eyes narrowing in on Michael’s arm around me, our bodies basically touching.
“There you are, Connie,” Lilli says. “I was thinking of heading out.” I can see the way she’s reading the situation in her eyes: she’s giving me an out if I want it, or the chance to stay. She doesn’t realize Eric is close to boiling right next to her.
I remember our conversation a few days ago, how he hated the idea of Michael being around me. I hadn’t made him any promises, though, and he hasn’t either. If Eric wants to tie this down, put a label on whatever this is, then he needs to do it. I won’t just wait around hoping to be the lucky girl who gets chosen by the guy.
So, I do something to piss him off: I turn to Michael and give him a kiss on the cheek.
“See you around,” I say, careful to avoid committing to anything. I step away from him, and his hand slides down my arm until he’s grasping my hand. He kisses my knuckles and reaches out his arm, holding on as long as he can until I’m out of reach.
It's cheesy and a little silly, so I giggle and say goodbye again. Ash and Lilli have turned around and started making their way out of the suite, but Eric hesitates, like he’s actually weighing his options about picking a fight.
“I’m ready,” I tell him to break his focus, but he doesn’t look at me as he glares at Michael.
“You got some kind of problem or something?” Michael asks.
Eric huffs an exhale from his nose. “No, just getting my girl.”
“Your girl?” Michael looks over at me.
“He’s my security,” I explain, and Michael relaxes while Eric stiffens. “Let’s go.”
Eric eventually turns, putting himself between me and Michael, silent most of the way to our rooms.
“Are you in middle school?” I hiss at him. “Grow the fuck up.”
“I told you, I don’t like him.”
“Last time I checked, you don’t own me. I don’t have to listen to you, and you don’t have to listen to me.” I open my door with my room key card.
“Oh really?”
