Page 36 of Before I Lost You

“Kenny,” I groan again as my cock stops twitching.

Something unsaid hangs in the air between us, but before I say something I’ll definitely regret, I pull out of him and lower myself between his thighs, throwing his legs over my shoulders. I angle his hips up slightly and bury my nose in his groin, smelling him, filling my lungs with him.

“Push my cum out of you, Kenny,” I whisper. “Let me taste us.”

Kenneth groans as he does what he’s told, and I immediately press my lips to his hole. I suck on his rim and lick around it, making him moan, and then thrust my tongue into his sloppy hole. He’s soft and open and so fucking warm. I could live inside him forever. I want to.

I’m so fucking fucked.

Kenny pulls at my hair as I clean him up, and before long, I’m making my way back up his body. His fingers are still buriedin my hair when he pulls me down toward his mouth, and I kiss him deeply. Our tongues meet and stroke, and I pull back slightly and stare down at his spit-slick, reddened lips. Fuck, I want him. I want him so badly it’s a physical ache in my chest. It feels like it’s caving in right now—

“Be mine,” he says softly, and I swear to all that is holy, my heart actually stops. “Be my boyfriend. Be my everything.”

“Don’t play with me, Ken,” I say through gritted teeth.

“I’m not playing with you.” His bottom lip wobbles. He looks like he’s telling the truth, and my eyes widen. “I want it. I want you.”

“For real?” I stammer. “Are you serious?”

“So serious.” He looks bashful now, cheeks turning pink.

“Of course I’ll be your boyfriend, baby,” I whisper, kissing his cheek. “You’re already my everything.”

Kenneth’s hand tentatively comes up to stroke my hair, and we stare at each other. And even though he hasn’t said it, and I don’t know when he will, I swear I can see the love in his eyes.

Please don’t let me be wrong.

Chapter 13

THE BEST KIND OF ORDINARY

Kenneth stares at me with a smile on his face as he picks up his food with his chopsticks, offering me a bite of his shrimp tempura roll. I open my mouth and accept it, and he smiles so widely that the dimple on the apple of his cheek is more pronounced than ever, faint lines appearing in the corners of his eyes as they sparkle with happiness. Because that’s what this is—real and raw and intense. The joy in my chest can’t be one-sided. It’s impossible. I see it in the way he looks at me, the way he talks to me. He wants to be here. Withme.

After the most intense sex of my life, he asked me if he could stay. He said he wanted to talk and hang out with me, and that if I was open to it, he wanted to stay the night and sleep wrapped up in my arms. I said yes, obviously, and now we’re on my couch eating takeout and listening to corny love songs. It’s late as fuck, and I’m tired, but I won’t be the one to suggest going to sleep. Especially not now that he’s finally opening up to me.

We talked about his mom for a while, about how she’s doing at home now that she’s in hospice. Her nurses are taking care of her, and Kenneth has been staying with her since she got out ofthe hospital to help the nurse on duty. Not that she needs it, but it makes him feel better. He did say he’s taking a step back and going back to visiting rather than staying—at his mom’s request. He said she doesn’t want him to spend all his time caring for a dying parent when he has a life too. It’s hit him hard, but he says he’s also a bit relieved because he can’t handle the pain of seeing her like that. He was having a hard time doing it.

Another love song starts to play from Ken’s phone, breaking me out of my thoughts, and I smile. He avoids eye contact like he’s embarrassed, taking another bite of his food.

“You know, for someone who doesn’t believe in love, you sure do listen to a lot of love songs,” I note, smirking, and he rolls his eyes with a smile.

“Maybe I’m a dreamer.” Kenneth smirks. “Maybe I sit in my room doodling hearts with my name and your last name behind them.”

I throw my head back and laugh. “Do you write my name too?”

“Of course.” He grins. “I have pages and pages of just your name. I’m obsessed.”

“Is that so?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Yes.” He nods, grinning. “I’ve even made a playlist for us. What should we name it?”

I laugh again. “You’re so full of shit!”

Kenneth raises his phone to his face and unlocks it, tapping on a playlist that’s currently on shuffle. I swallow hard because there’s no fucking way he’s serious right now. He couldn’t have possibly made a playlist for us. My brow furrows as he starts to play the song he was humming in the kitchen a few weeks ago, and his cheeks turn bright red.

“What about Connie and Kenny?” he asks, eyes hopeful. Somehow, he looks vulnerable, and it suddenly dawns on me that he’s serious. Oh, fuck. He’s serious about this. “I think it’s cute.”

I swallow hard, my brow still furrowed. “Kenny?”