Page 54 of Before I Lost You

I look down at the black folder, wondering what could be in it, and hesitate. Ken squeezes my forearm, clearly urging me to do it, and I take a deep breath and finally open it. For a moment, I’m confused. Our nicknames are printed on some sort of blackcertificate with coordinates, which looks to be two supernovas in the shape of a heart in the middle. My throat dries, and I look up at him.

“It’s a binary star,” Ken whispers, “They’reourstars.”

“You got me a star, Kenny?” My voice is hoarse, and it cracks on his name. There’s no way to hide the emotion, and I feel so vulnerable that I have to look down at the certificate once more. I clear my throat as my vision blurs, and my hands shake.

“Of course, I got you a star, baby.” His voice is close to a whisper. “You’re my soulmate.”

My eyes sting so badly I have to blink, which makes a tear trail down my cheek. I try to wipe it as discreetly as possible, but I know he sees it anyway.

“It’s based on location,” he says softly. “So we can look at them from where we live.”

I breathe in deeply, but he grabs one more thing from inside the folder, and my heart begins to pound in my ears. I look up at him with wide eyes, and he smiles at me. “W-what’s that, Ken?” I ask him, and he slides it towards me on the countertop.

“My key.” He tells me nonchalantly, as if he’s not spinning my entire world on its axis. “Our keychain.”

I grab the key from him, staring down at the black keychain with a constellation and a bunch of other stars around it. When I turn it over, there’s an engraving on the back. It says:The night you said I love you.

Our eyes meet again, and I shake my head quickly. “Are you trying to kill me, Ken? My heart can’t fucking take this sweetness.”

Kenneth grins. “You like it?”

“You really are a closeted romantic, aren’t you?” I scoff, trying to use humor to hide how much this is affecting me.

“I told you I am.” Ken winks. “One more thing.”

My mouth drops. “There’s more?”

“Well, yes.” He smiles shyly. “I can’t give you a key but not a drawer.” He shrugs. “And space in my closet.”

My brow raises. “Is this your way of asking me to move in?”

“We don’t have to—” Kenneth rushes. “I know it’s really fast—”

“Ken, is that what you want?”

Kenneth finally makes eye contact with me. “Yes,” he whispers. “I mean, you already spend all your time here. You basically live here—”

“Yes!” I interrupt. My lips stretch into a wide grin, and I pull him into a tight hug. “I’ll move in with you, baby.” My arms tighten around him when he wraps his own around my neck, and I hear him breathing me in, his nose pressed to my jaw. It feels so intimate, and I want more. I can’t get him close enough. I want to live inside his ribcage and listen to his heartbeat for the rest of my life. “Fuck, Kenny, I love you so much.”

Kenneth smiles against my jaw, and his lips brush against my skin as his lips tilt up. “I love you more.”

“Impossible,” I scoff, then pull back and kiss him. “It’s us forever, isn’t it?”

“Until the day we die.”

And it’s with those words that I think:

I don’t ever want to die.

I don’t ever want to be without him.

It doesn’t matter, though, because I know for a fact I’ll always come back to him.

Chapter 20

AGAINST THE CLOCK

The road is dark and slick as I get on the highway, and I think about how I should’ve left a little earlier when there was better visibility. Rain is pounding against my windshield, slowing me down, and at this rate, I’ll be lucky if I make it to my destination at all. I’m tempted to pull over and wait the storm out, turn on my hazard lights, and just hope it doesn’t take hours. I can’t see shit as I set my wipers to the fastest setting, slowing down significantly, at least twenty miles under the speed limit. Still, it doesn’t feel like enough.