Page 88 of Before I Lost You

And Istay.

Chapter 34

SLOW DANCING

The sound of clattering wakes me, and my eyes flutter open slowly. I look around the bedroom that is so familiar to me that I feel like I belong in it, and smile. I’ve been spending every night here for the past couple of weeks, and we’ve been fucking like rabbits. Nonstop. If I hadn’t done this before with him, I’d be concerned that my dick is going to fall off. But even memories don’t do him justice. Kenneth is fucking amazing. Everything about him is perfect, and I don’t know what to do with all these feelings I’m keeping bottled up.

It’s been almost four months since we started dating again, and I want to tell him I love him more than I want my next heartbeat. I want to scream it from the rooftops and tell the world he’s mine and only mine. That this beautiful man has pickedme. And how fortunate am I? The luckiest asshole in the whole world. I hope I can show him every day how I feel, even if I can’t express it with words. Though sometimes I think I see it on his face—the love, the adoration he feels towards me. I think he’s ready to say it to me, too, but I’m fucking terrified ofmessing this up. Of scaring him away. It seems my time with him is limited, and I don’t want to cut it short.

I feel the minutes counting down to the six-month mark, the ticking of the imaginary timer taunting me. Is that when it ends again? Do I get a say in it this time? I’ve changed so much about our relationship this time around. We haven’t even had the same fights. Hell, we haven’t fought at all yet. I’ve made sure to treat him like the king he is. I’ve put him on a pedestal, and I hope he sees that. I hope he knows I’d do anything for him—anything but give him up. That’s the one thing I wouldn’t survive.

Getting out of bed, I scrub a hand down my face and head to the bathroom. After I take care of business, I brush my teeth and wash my face. I feel so different, yet the very same as I did the last time we did this. I didn’t think it was possible, but I think I love him even more. No, I’m sure I do. And even though I’m scared, I need him to know it. I need to show him.

I put on my sweatpants and a T-shirt so I’m not freezing. The October chill is making itself known, and even though the heat is turned on, it still feels cold in here. I put on socks for good measure, then open the bedroom door slowly. He obviously took great care in letting me sleep in, and I think I know why if the smell of breakfast is any indication. When I finally reach the kitchen, his back is to me, and I can see the French toast on a plate. My mouth waters, and I clear my throat to announce my presence.

Kenneth startles and turns around, hand to his chest as if I scared the hell out of him. It makes me grin, but I close the distance between us, and he tips his chin slightly to look into my eyes. His smile is blinding, and I look at it for a beat longer, willing myself to memorize the shape of it. I need it ingrained into my retinas for the rest of my life. Just in case I have to do this again. That smile will get me by.

“Good morning,” I murmur. “How did you sleep?”

“Like I had a man snuggling me all night,” he replies with a grin, and I tilt my head to the side as if to ask,so what’s the verdict?“I slept great. You?”

“I always sleep great next to you, baby.”

Kenneth snorts. “You’re so romantic in the morning.”

I grip his waist and tug him into me, looking at the stove to see that there is no more French toast on the flat pan. Then I lead him to the middle of the kitchen and grab his hand, splaying my hand on his lower back and pushing until he’s flush with my body. And then I lead him into a dance, and he follows. The smile he blesses me with might just kill me, and when I dip him, and he laughs, it feels like my heart is going to fucking explode in my chest.

“Is this romantic enough?” I ask him teasingly, and he grins.

“Not quite,” he says, so I start humming the song he loves about dandelions. The one he hasn’t hummed for me yet. His eyes sparkle and his lips part, and I kiss his cheek. “When did you…?”

“What?” I chuckle. “Learn that song?”

“Yeah.” He nods slowly. “It’s my favorite.”

I want to scream that I know it’s his favorite. Instead, I say, “What a coincidence. It’s my favorite too.”

“You can’t be real,” Ken whispers. “There has to be at least one thing wrong with you.”

“There’s plenty wrong with me.”

“Like what?” His brow furrows. “Please enlighten me.”

“I’m too possessive and obsessive,” I say with a grimace. “I also can be a little intense.”

“All I’m hearing is that youreallylike me.”

I more than like you.

“Oh, and I snore.” I grin.

“I haven’t noticed,” Ken shrugs. “I’m usually sleeping too hard from all the orgasms.”

I laugh, my whole body shaking with it. “So orgasms are the only thing keeping me around. Got it.”

“I mean, they don’t hurt,” he says with a wink.

My stomach flips, as if he’s never flirted with me before. Fuck. I’m so gone for him, it would be pathetic if he didn’t feel the same. But for some reason, I’m sure he does. There’s no lifetime where he doesn’t fall in love with me. There can’t be. It’s fucking impossible.