Page 90 of Before I Lost You

“You’re making me blush,” I admit, feeling my face heat to scorching levels.

“I love when you blush,” he says with a grin, then kisses my hot cheek.

I lie down on my side, and Kenny does the same, facing me. It feels like a lifetime of looking at each other before he speaks in a hushed voice. “Why do you look at me like you’ve loved me forever?”

“Because I have,” I reply without hesitation.

“You feel like someone I used to know.” Kenneth frowns. “But I’ve never had you.”

My lips twitch slightly, trying to curve up into a smile that hurts. “You have me now.”

These words bring a smile to Kenneth’s face, and I can’t help but smile back, a real one this time. Before long, his eyes flutter shut, and I stare at him. I can’t seem to fall asleep, too scared to miss something important. A second without him is too long. I do have work tomorrow, though, so I get closer until our foreheads are touching and close my eyes. It feels instinctual when he drapes his arm over my waist, and it actually doesn’t take too long before I fall asleep. The last thought before everything goes black is how fast time is flying by.

I need it to slow down.

Please, just slow down.

Chapter 35

ONE DAY YOU’LL REMEMBER

There’s a loud noise beside me, and I startle awake, sitting up in a rush. My head spins from the sudden change in position, and it’s so dark I can’t see anything. I look at the watch on my wrist, which tells me it’s three in the morning, just to hear a whimpering sound again. It takes me a couple of seconds to figure out it’s Kenny. He’s moaning and whimpering in his sleep, and my heart begins to pound in my chest. In a rush, I reach over to the nightstand and turn on the lamp.

Kenneth’s face is scrunched up, tears streaming down his cheeks, eyes squeezed tightly shut. His bottom lip trembles as I shake him gently, trying to wake him, but then he’s thrashing on the bed and mumbling under his breath. I can’t tell what he’s saying, but I finally shake him hard enough that he opens his eyes. They’re wide and glazed over, unfocused. He doesn’t seem to be actually seeing anything. Fuck, he looks so scared. When he finally looks at me with sad eyes, my stomach plummets.

“I dreamed I lost you,” Ken cries, voice cracking. “Tell me it’s not real, Conrad. Don’t ever leave me.”

“Never,” I reply, kissing his cheek softly, tasting his tears. “It wasn’t real, baby. I’m right here,” I try to reassure him, but my voice shakes with the lie.

“I-I can’t lose you, Conrad,” he sniffles. “I won’t survive it.”

“I wouldn’t either,” I reply, trying to make sure he understands how much he means to me. But the thing about feelings is that most of the time, words can’t actually convey the depth of them. At least it seems that way when it comes to Kenneth. No matter how I try to explain it, I can’t quite put it all into words.

I wipe the tears from Kenny’s cheeks slowly, gently. He gives me a soft smile, barely there, but not forced either. It makes butterflies take flight in my stomach, the way his blue eyes watch me intently. It feels like he’s trying to figure something out. I wonder if he remembered something, but that seems too far-fetched, so I try to forget about it immediately. No sense in dwelling on something that will probably never happen.

“Tell me you love me,” Kenneth says, gripping my chin possessively and bringing my face closer to his. “I need to hear it.”

I take a deep breath. “How about I show you instead?”

I grab his arm and pull him towards me as I lie on my back, spreading my legs to accommodate him. His weight settles on top of me, comforting in a way that nothing else has ever been. Just being in his arms is enough to soothe me, and when he presses his lips to my chest, I exhale slowly. Kenneth tries to climb onto my lap, but I keep him between my legs with a hand pressed between his shoulder blades, and he whines. My cock hardens immediately at the sound, and when he presses his length against my thigh, rubbing the wet head of it against my skin, I groan. The lube from earlier is still under my pillow, and I grab it and set it on the bed next to us. But he just shakes his head.

“We don’t need that,” Ken tells me, trying to climb up my body again. I keep my hand firmly on his upper back, and he stops moving. “I don’t need any more prepping. I’m still good from earlier.”

“It’s not for you,” I whisper, afraid to raise my voice. I’m offering him something I’ve never given to anyone but him. “I need you to—” I clear my throat, and his eyes widen slightly. “I want you.”

“What do you need, baby?” he whispers back, pressing his lips to my neck, then my jaw, then the corner of my mouth. The way he’s looking into my eyes now makes me want to hide, but I don’t. “You need me to touch you here?”

Kenneth’s hand roams until he hikes my thigh up and grazes my hole. I nod quickly, inhaling sharply when he taps on it. “Y-yes.”

“Fuck,” he groans. “I want to so fucking bad, Conrad. But we don’t have to. I’m perfectly happy with what we’ve been doing. It’s okay to keep doing that.”

But I shake my head. “I want it. I want your cock inside me. Please, Kenny,pleasefuck me.”

“Flip over, baby,” Kenneth murmurs, kissing me, then tugging on my bottom lip with his teeth. My cock jerks, and he grins. “I want to taste you.”

“Oh.” My face heats, and he grins wider, getting off me and leaning back until I get on my hands and knees. “Like this?”

His eyes are on my ass when I look at him over my shoulder, and he bites his bottom lip. “Face down,” he says, pushing me down between my shoulder blades until my cheek meets the mattress. Then, he tugs on my hips until my back arches even more, “Ass up.”