fifteen
Samuel had a new reason not to sleep at night, but for once, it wasn’t a bad memory or fear to keep him awake. Vivienne’s kiss burned on his cheek as if she’d branded him. A week had passed since the kiss, and he wondered how it would feel to kiss her, if she wanted to.
Since he’d recovered, he now slept on the sofa in the main room. Captain Jackson had protested, but while Samuel had never slept in a bed, the sofa was a luxury, and he was a poor sleeper anyway.
Dawn was blushing the sky when he brewed some strong tea. Everything around him reminded him of Vivienne—the pink clouds were similar to her lips, the frost on the window shone like her eyes, and even the blast from a furnace reminded him of how his heart pounded when she was close to him. Her presence in his mind was a welcome change from his dark thoughts.
“Tea. Good lad.” Captain Jackson yawned, coming out of the bedroom. “I’m ravenous.”
Samuel buttered his slice of bread absentmindedly, even though butter was his favourite new food.
How his life had changed in the past months amazed him. He’d gone from living in a cage to eating butter for breakfast and having been kissed. His first kiss.
The captain watched him from over the rim of his cup. “What’s wrong?”
He arched his brow. “Nothing.”
“Rubbish.” The captain put aside his plate. “You have a distracted gaze and keep flushing. Are you running a fever?”
Before Samuel could sign anything, the captain put a hand on his forehead.
“Are you having a relapse?” The captain placed his thumbs under Samuel’s eyes and pulled down the lower eyelids. “Relapse is normal if it happens, but you must tell me how you feel.”
“I’m fine.” He blinked.
“You aren’t wolfing down everything as usual. Is your stomach upset?”
Samuel smiled. “No. I’m fine.”
The captain studied him. “If it’s not a disease then it’s love, which is the same thing.”
Love? Samuel rubbed his chest. He had no idea if the flicker in his chest was love.
“Samuel, listen to me.” Captain Jackson’s serious tone worried him. “I understand how you feel. You left a horrible situation where you experienced only fear and abuse. We are the first people who care for you. Anyone would feel confused.”
He didn’t see where the captain was going.
“But I have to be brutal. Lady Vivienne is the daughter of an earl. After her Season, she will probably have a queue of suitors, all wealthy men or aristocratic gentlemen, who wish to marry her.”
Now he saw where the captain was going.
“She’s sweet and pretty, and she’s the first young woman who spends time with you. It’s normal to…feel something for her. But after all the horrible things that happened to you, I don’t want you to have any illusions about this matter. Once you’re completely recovered, and you find a job, which I hope you will, she’ll live her aristocratic life without us. Hell, if she marries a toff, she won’t be allowed to spend time with us. Horrible, yes, but that’s how society works.”
Samuel hunched his shoulders and stared at his tea. Of course, Vivienne had a life full of opportunities and engagements that had nothing to do with him. His life had truly begun a few months ago. He couldn’t expect her to dedicate more time to him than she’d already done.
“I’m not telling you that to hurt you.” Captain Jackson searched his face. “It’s the opposite. But the reality of our society can’t be ignored. And…” He paused, scratching his beard. “Unfortunately, people don’t trust someone who can’t talk. They won’t accept you easily.”
He nodded. He should be grateful for being free, but if that was his future, then he would enjoy his time with Vivienne as much as possible. He would need the good memories for the days to come.
When she arrived for one of their frequent walks at The Regent’s Park, a riot of emotions thickened his throat.
“Would you like to go to the lake?” he asked.
“No, sorry. I have a dinner party tonight, and I need to get ready. I came only for a quick walk.”
“Is it a fancy party?”
“It is. Father ordered a Worth gown for me. It’s golden and white with pink roses.” She looked radiant. “Mother didn’t want me to go, didn’t want anyone to go, but Father insisted.”
