eighteen
Vivienne’s lessons with the dance master had always been enjoyable and she had awaited them with anticipation until that day. Especially since Mother was watching the class from a corner.
Vivienne’s feet had become clumsy all of a sudden. Her legs couldn’t keep the tempo. Her mind was distracted. No matter how hard she tried to focus on the steps, her thoughts drifted to Samuel and the kiss—the chaste, sweet kiss they’d shared in the quiet of her room. If Mother knew about it, she would send Vivienne away and lock her up in the nearest, most hygienic convent she could find.
When Samuel had asked to kiss her, she’d thought he meant on the lips. She shouldn’t have been disappointed, but she was. The kiss had been nice; but she’d wanted more. She’d been tempted to ask him to kiss her properly, but he’d looked so happy with the simple kiss, she hadn’t wanted to overwhelm him.
If Captain Jackson knew about their innocent kiss, he would be disappointed. In a way, she was disappointed in herself. All her intentions of keeping Samuel safe had vanished the momenthe’d kissed her cheek. But after he’d talked about regrets and being beneath her, she couldn’t have ignored his request.
“With the left foot, Lady Vivienne,” the master said.
She corrected the step but was out of time, and she made another mistake during the quick gallop; she tripped and almost fell on her face. To steady herself, she stumbled and tottered like a newborn calf.
Mother frowned. “Walker, please, I need a word with my daughter.”
“My lady.” The master bowed and left the piano.
“What’s happening with you? You’re stumbling all over the place,” Mother asked. “Are you unwell?”
Vivienne caught her breath, leaning against the wall. “No. I’m fine. I’m a little tired.”
“Anne told me you didn’t let her help you undress last night.”
Never a moment of peace.
“You’re too often tired as of late, and distracted. You spent too much time outside.”
She wiped the sweat from her forehead with a cloth.
“Are you warm? Do you have a fever?” Mother asked.
“No. Nothing is wrong.”
“You look pale.” Mother touched her forehead and neck. “I’m worried. Maybe you’re too busy. The dinner party was exhausting. Your eyes are dark with fatigue. You need rest. I’ll tell Walker the lesson ends here today. Go to your room and lie down.” Mother left the room.
She thumped the wall behind her. Yes, the past few months had been challenging and tiring, and fewer engagements would give her more time to spend with Samuel. Their secret meetings couldn’t go on forever.
Also, if a suitor wanted to court her, she wouldn’t be able to see Samuel.
The thought crushed her chest.
Vivienne went up the stairs. Tired or not, she ought to be more careful, or Mother would have another fit and forbid her to go out.
“Is something the matter? I thought you had dance lessons.” Father stopped her in the corridor, lowering his glasses.
“I’m just a bit tired. I’m going to my room.”
“Did your mother order you to?”
“Yes, I mean, no. I do feel a little out of sorts.”
He narrowed his eyes so similar to hers. “Don’t let your mother influence you. She sees diseases everywhere.” He kissed her cheek. “Do you want me to talk to her?”
“No, it’s fine. I’ll lie down for a while.”
When she entered her bedroom, she gazed at the window. A faint trace of bergamot lingered in the air, as did her doubts.
She lay in the bed face down. If her future had been decided and she’d accepted her fate, why did it hurt so much?
