That afternoon,after Vivienne rested and got ready to leave for the usual walk with Dobkins—ostensibly to go to the library—she found her mother at the base of the stairs, waiting for her.
In her black gown and under the dim lights of the hallway, Mother looked particularly gloomy.
“Is something the matter?” Vivienne asked, exchanging a glance with Dobkins.
“You aren’t going anywhere today.” Mother stretched out an arm towards the stairs. “You’ll stay in your room and rest until you regain some colour.”
“I’m full of energy. I just needed some rest.”
Mother searched her face. “You’ve been busy all morning. Going out would be too much.”
She wanted to see Samuel and tell him she’d enjoyed the kiss. She’d come to the conclusion she wanted a proper kiss. “I need a breath of fresh air.”
“No.” Mother’s hands trembled. “You’ll stay home until you’re better.”
“I want to go out.”
“Not today. Please.” Mother shook.
Not again. “I’m fine.”
“It’s too freezing today. There’s frost everywhere. You might slip or catch a cold. And you look pale. You were not well during your dance lesson.”
A comment on how she didn’t have any symptoms of scarlet fever or anything else died a quick death in her mouth as Dobkins gave her the slightest nod.
Mother shivered and blinked a few times. “Please.” Her broken voice hurt.
“I’ll stay home,” Vivienne said through clenched teeth. “Don’t worry.”
The last words were useless. Mother worried more frequently than she needed to breathe.
“Good. Good.” Mother gripped her inseparable silver box.
“I’ll do a few errands,” Dobkins said. “Do you need anything, my lady?”
Mother touched Vivienne’s wrist, checking her pulse. “Go to Harris’s and buy a few vials of the primrose tonic to strengthen the blood.”
Vivienne suppressed a sigh. That potion was a nostrum. But at least Mother hadn’t sent for the physician.
Dobkins curtsied and left.
A weight pressed against Vivienne’s chest when she went upstairs. She didn’t want Mother to suffer from yet another crisis, but she didn’t want to renounce her secret time with Samuel either.
She shut the door and removed her hat. The hatpin clinked against the floor.
From the moment she’d seen how strong and determined he was to get his life back, she’d found all the rules of her life useless and burdensome.
Years ago, she’d looked forward to getting married. Marriage was the beginning of her life as the lady of the house, which meant having all the power. But as Mother had kept postponing her Season, she wondered if she could spend the rest of her life next to someone she didn’t love, or worse, she didn’t respect.
She could share a marriage with a gentleman who was her friend, but not with someone she had a low opinion of. She respected Samuel, and they were friends. He inspired her to fight for what she wanted.
She paced, hoping Samuel would understand and that he wouldn’t think her absence had to do with their kiss.
The tree next to her window swayed its branches slowly in a sad dance. She sat on the stuffed seat next to the bay window.
Samuel had shown her that her life was more complicated than she thought.
Dusk was painting the sunset in dark tones when Dobkins returned. Vivienne shot up to her feet from the seat.
“Did you see him?”
“Yes. He was sorry not to see you. He gave me this for you.” Dobkins handed her a folded piece of paper.
“Thank you.” She waited for Dobkins to leave before opening the message.
His handwriting was all sharp angles and strong strokes. The message only said, ‘Leave the window open, please.’
She smiled for the first time that day.
