“Sure.” He’s still chuckling as he joins me on the bed, laying back against his pillows so he’s propped up, and he turns on the TV. His eyes are fixated on the screen now. Is he avoiding eye contact?
Did my comment inspire him to pictureushaving sex in his bed? Is that why he’s being so quiet? Fuck, I wonder what he would even imagine. My dick is certainly curious about the idea, probably isn’t helping that I’m thinking about that video again, and if Porter would be into it, which man he’d want to take the place of in the video and, yup, blood is now rushing to my cock, so I casually pull the covers up over my lap, hiding the growing bulge there as I sit up next to him.
“Did I make it weird?” I check.
“No, no. I just…” He takes a deep breath and looks at me. “I’ve never known anyone like you, Will.”
He says it fondly, like I’m special, and it makes my heart feel as though it’s expanding in my chest. Clearly, I love hearing even the slightest praise from him after worrying for so long if heeven wanted to be my friend at all. I reposition myself to actually look at the TV, our arms are brushing and our sweatpants are stretched out in front of us, but I have to fight the urge to wrap myself around him fully. To tuck him into my chest and skip the movie altogether so we can just enjoy each other’s company.
What the fuck is happening tonight? I honestly had no idea why Porter was questioning me the other day about if I was okay sharing a bed with a gay man. Obviously, I had no reservations then.
But now? I feel like something’s shifted. After watching that video, I’m questioning who exactly I might be attracted to, and I’m hyperaware of the space between us, of the small contact we do have on our arms and legs.
What were we even talking about again?
Oh yeah. He was saying I’m special. “Well, I am pretty great,” I finally reply with a cocky tone and a grin.
“And not at all self-centered, huh?” he jokes, lightly elbowing me.
“Never.” I grin and find my gaze wandering to take him in again. He’s only partially under the covers, and I notice a tattoo peeking out on his hip where his shirt is riding up, but I can’t make out what it is. I’ve never noticed it before, and I want to ask him about it, but I’m already worried I made things awkward, so we should probably focus on a movie for a bit instead of a discreet tattoo.
But I also can’t look away. Fuck, he’s… pretty. That’s such a strange thought to have about a man. But now that I’ve thought the word, I know with absolute certainty that it fits him. He is pretty. Not in a feminine way, either. He just is, with his slightly flushed cheeks, blue eyes, long, dark lashes, and messy blond hair.
But am I attracted to him? Or am I just caught up in the idea of wanting to explore my sexuality more? I don’t want to do anything to risk the friendship I fought so hard for with him, soeven if I’m distracted by his appearance right now while I’m fighting an erection, I wouldn’t want to make a fool out of myself and act on these new thoughts.
“What?” he asks, and I realize I've been staring at him.
“Nothing, just happy to be here,” I admit, maybe a little too honestly because my mind is still attempting to make sense of him being pretty, and why my dick is hard in his bed, and what this all means.
He smiles softly, turning to watch the movie. I struggle to pay attention with how close we are, and eventually my eyelids grow heavy. I don’t fight it, sinking lower into his bed as I let them shut.
19
PORTER
“Uh, hi! Tell me everything! Like why the hell was Will leaving the house with you this morning? It killed me that I didn’t get to see you today to ask!” Josie blurts out the second she joins me at my table at Main Street Tavern with drinks. Our friends are meeting us for their Girls, Gays, and Theys Night, and I was the first one here.
“Finally! All I’ve had time to think about while waiting for you is how perfect Will is,” I admit.
“Oh my god,” she shrieks. “What happened?”
“Well, what happened is all your fault,” I insist dramatically. “I blame you for that little living room project stunt you initially pulled. Last night, when I told him you wouldn’t be back until today—side note, I do want to hear about how things are going with Carrie before she gets here—so we could watch TV in the living room uninterrupted, he said he wanted to watch the movie in my room because my bed was comfy.”
“Oh my god,” she squeals again. “That was a line, right? Oh fuck, did you finally hook up?”
“What? No. He’s straight, remember? Or so he says, so I need torespect that.”
“Shit! My bi-dar is normally pretty good. Then why the hell was he still there this morning leaving with you?”
“He fell asleep in my bed,” I admit, then groan. “I just don’t get it because we spend so much time together, and he’s always wanting to meet between classes. He’s constantly texting me about his day. And then this morning, I woke up in his arms, and he didn’t even flinch. He just said he’d buy me breakfast as a thanks for not kicking him out. He’d be an amazing boyfriend if he were actually interested. Seriously, who does that?”
Josie winces. “I was really hoping for a realization from him that he’s attracted to you.”
“No realizations,” I confirm.
“Maybe he needs more time?” she suggests hopefully, voice rising at the end of the question.
“He says he’s straight, and I have to believe that. I can’t let myself hope that he’ll like me more than a friend just becauseI’mcatching feelings. I can’t live through that again.”
