“Okay, but thank you for finally admitting it to me,” she teases. Then she tilts her head. “How are you really doing with all of this?”
“I… You know I don’t want to get hurt. It just feels like my Robbie situation all over again though,” I admit, quieter now. “Even if Will hasn’t given any indication that he’s looking to experiment or anything.”
“I get that, P.” She nods. “Do you think you need to set some firmer boundaries with him? Or do you think it’d be better to add some distance? You haven’t known him that long, and I really don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I don’t want to do either of those things.” I sigh, dropping my head in my hands. “I just hate that unavailable men keep being my emotional kryptonite. I like having him as a friend. I really do. I don’t want to lose that. He’s quickly become one of my favorite people to spend time with, besides you, of course.”
“Good save at the end.” Josie nudges me. “But really, I hatethat you’re feeling all this. Maybe our trip will be coming at the perfect time!”
I hate the thought of spending a whole week away from Will, but I smile because Josie really is the best friend I could’ve asked for, and there’s no risk of me catching feelings for her, so win-win.
“Okay, enough about me. How are you, and how’s Carrie?”
“Oh, Porter, she’s great! I had no idea that being in a relationship could be this easy.”
“I’m so happy for you, and that it’s easy.” It’s a good reminder that positive queer relationships exist. Maybe I’ll find that one day.
My phone buzzes on the table, and despite my best intentions to keep things very platonic between us, my very first thought is: I hope it’s Will.
Josie must notice my hurry to check my phone because she stops talking about Carrie. “That him?”
I bite my lip. “Yes. Shit, I just need to remind myself that this doesn’t have to mean anything more than what it is.”
“And what is it?” she asks.
I glance at my phone, then back at her. “A really good friendship?”
“Remember, you are single, you don’t have to respond, and you can totally find someone to distract you tonight. Itisour night.”
Before I can agree, Carrie walks into the bar, red curls bouncing and drawing both of our attention to her. She waves, and the way her face lights up when she sees Josie makes the Will-shaped hole in my heart ache, but I refuse to feel sorry for myself.
I should probably ignore it, but instead of shoving my phone in my pocket, I look at the message quickly.
Will
I had fun this morning. Thanks for introducing me to my new favorite breakfast spot
I can do this. I can respond and not be flirty. Remind myself of what we are.
Porter
Hopefully your friends like it just as much.
He responds right away, ignoring my comment about his friends.
Will
What are you doing this week? Could we have another movie night before we go on our trips? I wish they lined up better and we weren’t gone opposite weekends.
Fuck, doesn’t he have lacrosse or something? Why does he seem so available, and why does he want to spend so much time with me? He’s got teammates, roommates, classes, and practice. He should have a whole world that does not revolve around me.
It’s hard for me to remind myself what we are when he’s treating me like I’m his boyfriend with how much time he wants to spend with me.
I decide to take Josie’s advice and wait to answer because it’s just a crush—a silly little crush. I should focus on my other friends. Like the people walking up to our table who must be with Carrie.
“These are my best friends, Paige and Elijah,” she introduces us.
“So good to see you both again,” Josie gushes, so she must’ve met them another time.
