I want them both.
It was impossible. Selfish. Destructive. I’d had this thing inside of me for years, and I’d never managed to contain her. Now, she would walk me to the edge of a cliff and push me off with a cackling laugh. All because I’d failed so miserably at keeping her locked up.
I can’t have them both.
You haven’t even tried.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, crossing to the other side of the room to put more distance between us. “I think I want to be alone now.”
Mason left without another sound. Ten minutes later, I was still planted in the same spot with the fading memory of him on my lips.
21
MOLLY
The photoshoot was scheduledto start at the ungodly hour of six am. I was still coming to terms with the events of the weekend as I shuttled the two groggy men down a nearly empty freeway. My composure was in check, but my thoughts took turns swirling around the kiss with Mason, my overall situation in the aftermath of the assault, and the fact that I really couldn’t risk anyone at the shoot finding out I was living with the two of them.
Last night, during the awkward post-kiss-that-never-should-have-happened dinner, I reminded them not to let it slip, but I was still worried.
“If Trinity shows up and asks about how you got to the shoot, remember to say I came from my place to pick you up,” I instructed, even if the chances of Trinity inquiring about their transport were slim. She didn’t concern herself with trivialities.
Kaz grunted unintelligibly, while Mason remained quiet, his face turned to the window. I bit my lip as I watched him through the rearview mirror. He was upset. Probably because of the kiss.
Definitely because of me.
The line between right and wrong in this situation seemed unfairly blurred. Was it wrong of me to kiss Mason while sleeping with Kaz? It’s not like the singer and I were exclusive. We weren’t anything, really.
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. No, that was a lie. Along the way, Kaz had started to mean something to me, and as far as I could tell, the feeling wasn’t one-sided. We had a connection that went beyond being purely sexual, and if he knew I’d kissed Mason…he’d be hurt.
Everything inside of me rebelled against the idea of hurting Kaz, but why hadn’t that stopped me from kissing Mason? Why did everything about that moment feel so goddamn right?
I couldn’t logic my way out of this. The feelings bubbling inside of me were confusing, irrational,incompatible,and yet…
And yet…
My heart felt full in a way it never had before. Looking at the two men through the mirror, I swallowed past the strange sensation in my throat. I needed to talk to the only person who could credibly advise me on the situation—Adeline—but that conversation would have to wait.
We arrived at the warehouse serving as the location for the shoot just as the sun peeked over the horizon. Kaz and Mase climbed out of the car, the singer donning his sunglasses, and the drummer hidden behind the peak of his cap. Something about the barely there light and their ragged appearance highlighted their status as up-and-coming rock stars, and in response, a thrilling sensation ran up my spine. They were so fuckinghotI wouldn’t have been surprised if the windows of my car fogged up on the drive over.
Kaz caught me staring and frowned, misinterpreting my thoughts.
Probably for the best.
“Hey, you don’t need to babysit us all day,” he said, taking a concerned step in my direction. “If you want, you can just go back home— I mean, to your home,” he corrected himself despite no one being around us, “and get some rest.”
“I’m good,” I told him with a smile. “Just need a coffee, and I’ll perk right up.”
“You sure?” Mason asked, pushing his palms into the pockets of his jeans. “No one would blame you for taking another day to recover after what happened.”
“Trinity doesn’t know, remember? And I want to keep it that way. Seriously, I’m fine. Let’s go in before Theo yells at us for being late.”
Mason searched my face for a heartbeat before nodding in reluctant agreement. We crossed the parking lot and knocked on the heavy steel door.
A young assistant in thick-framed glasses and a hoodie let us in after checking our names off a clipboard. “You two are going straight to makeup and hair. Someone will bring you breakfast,” she said after announcing Last Rites’ arrival into her walkie-talkie. “And you’re with me for now,” she said, pointing at me.
We dropped the guys off at the dressing rooms and headed to the set. “I’m Nora,” the woman introduced herself. “Theo’s assistant. My job is to make sure this thing goes smoothly. I know you guys have a tight budget, and we need to get all the shots in just a few hours, so we’re going to be running a tight ship.”
“Sounds perfect,” I said. “I hope we won’t have any unexpected hiccups.”
