It's not that I had doubts he’d be good in bed. I just hadn’t anticipated that he’d blow my brain to smithereens in the process.
Then again, with the amount of practice he’s had…
A sour taste appears in the back of my throat.So much for not becoming another notch.
I ease myself from under his arm. The clock on the nightstand says it’s almost eight thirty, which means we’re late getting to the office.
Should I wake him up?
I take another look at Rowan’s sleeping face and decide against it. He’s the boss. Surely he can come in late now and then.
And no one’s going to miss me much. Pete came back halfway through last week, so the extra tasks Judy had been giving me to do dwindled to practically nothing.
Carefully, I slip out of bed, grab some clothes, and take them with me to the living room to get dressed.
Not far from the house, there’s a trail that runs through the woods along a narrow creek. When I was younger, Mom would bring me there often."Fresh air and a long walk is the best way to sort out your thoughts,"she used to say.
I have a lot of thoughts that are in desperate need of sorting, so that’s where I head.
The drive doesn’t take more than fifteen minutes despite the fresh layer of snow on the road. When I get out of the car, cold air bites at my face. I tuck my scarf into my coat and zip it all the way up before slipping on a pair of gloves I found in one of the pockets. My car’s the only one in the lot, and there’s something comforting about the absolute solitude.
I walk toward the entrance to the trail and turn right at the fork.
Here, the world seems hushed and contemplative. Silence reigns, disturbed only by the occasional chirp of a bird or the creak of a branch. I inhale crisp air and focus on the crunching of my shoes on the snow.
A sigh escapes past my lips.
What now? I wish I could lose myself in the current that swept me off my feet last night and simply see where it takes me. But that’s a recipe for getting hurt, and after what happened with Brett, I’m not ready to risk that again.
I can keep my heart safe if I manage to get my head back on straight and remember one important thing—I can’t fall for Rowan.
It’s just that I wasn’t expecting the very real connection between him and me. A physical connection—yes, but it’s not only that. He’s funny. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel like I’m someone who matters. But do I really think I’m the one who’s going to get him to abandon his old ways when it comes to women?
No, I don’t.
It doesn’t matter that admitting that makes my chest sting. I need to be practical. Rational.
There’s a big difference between sleeping with someone once and wanting to be in a relationship with them. Even if Rowan likes me more than his typical one-night stand, him saying that he might be interested in something more serious isn’t something I’m able to trust.
That man isn’t looking for commitment. He wasn’t looking for it with all those women he slept with before me, and he’s not going to be looking for it with me.
But what am I looking for?
I’ve never thought of myself as someone who could keep things casual with a man I’m interested in. I fall too hard, care too much.
But what if I could figure out how to not do that this time around?
After all, I’m still planning on leaving Darkwater Hollow. Rowan and I have an expiration date, and he’s as aware of it as I am.
It might take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months to sell my place once I put it back on the market, but Nicole got me one offer, and I’m confident she’ll be able to do it again.
Which means my plans didn’t get demolished, just delayed.
I stop by the bank of the creek and peer down at the glassy surface. The once-flowing waters are now still beneath the ice. There’s an orange leaf frozen there, suspended in space and time, just like me. But when the weather warms, it’ll keep moving.
I’ve had plenty of time to think about my next steps since the fire, but the truth is, I’ve barely thought about them at all. When I try to imagine my future, all I find are muddled images.
It’s time to change that.
