Page 38 of Endless Depths

“I’m shocked you kept them alive.”

“What?” He follows my gaze, and ducks his head sheepishly. “Oh. That was mostly Finn and Shay.”

“Finn’s been here?”

“Yeah. He left you a stack of coloring pages and a card.” Morgan reaches under the pillow and pulls them out. “He made me write this one for him.”

He passes me a store-bought card with a humpback whale standing on its tail, sayingGet Whale Soon.

“That’s cute as hell.” I flip it open and read Morgan’s handwriting.

Hi, Uncle Cole,

This is Finn. I don’t know how to write, but Uncle Mor does, and he promised to give this to you.

Anyway, I miss you. A lot. I miss you almost as much as I miss Daddy. Make sure you eat all your vegetables, even the gross ones, so you get better faster (and I can see you sooner).

Okay. I love you so, so, so, so, so much. Bye!

Uncle Mor, did you tell him I love him so, so, so, so, so much?

Yes. I wrote ‘so’ 5 times.

Why are you still writing?

I’m not writing.

Stop.

Stop what?

Love, Finn

The scribble below must be his signature. My vision blurs on the page. I retrace my steps back behind the wall I built to keep my emotions out.

Morgan takes the card and sets it on top of the coloring pages. “Do you want to use the bathroom before you lie down?”

I sigh. “Yeah. I probably should.” Once I park myself in bed, I won’t want to move anymore.

“I have that bedside commode thing in the closet. I figured you wouldn’t want to look at it.” He rubs the back of his head, flexing his bicep. “Or you can try using our bathroom?”

“Our bathroom.”

“You got it.”

It was really thoughtful that he ensured I have the option of using the portable one while granting me the dignity of not having to look at the damn thing as soon as I got home. But using the plastic commode in the hospital was humiliating enough. I won’t do that again unless I have to.

He wheels me over to the bathroom door, and takes off my shoes and sweatpants. I can’t be bothered with underwear when everything hurts.

I loop my arms around his neck again. “Can you help me?”

Morgan nods, then carries me through the door. He lowers me onto the raised toilet seat, and pain radiates through my pelvis. Once I catch my breath, I thank him.

He smiles. “Anytime, Sunshine.”

Then, he kisses me—on a toilet. It shouldn’t be romantic, but it is because he thought of everything. Guilt overshadows the moment with the unwelcome thought that if I had died, he wouldn’t have to take care of me.

He strokes my arm. “Hey, are you okay?”