Page 59 of Endless Depths

“Okay. Stay safe.”

“Thanks.” A feeble wisp of hope sparks inside my chest as I end the call and drop my phone on the dashboard.

The sun simmers on the horizon beneath a peach and tangerine sky. But it’s not the view that caught my eye; it’s the smile in my reflection. The prospect of talking to Finn made me smile, and this time it didn’t hurt.

My smile fades. The only reason I’m talking to Finn tomorrow is because I hurt him today. I don’t deserve to smile, but maybe someday.

Night falls with no sight of Morgan. He probably spent the day in the engine room. When he’s in a stormy mood, he reorganizes the tools and does ship maintenance. Maybe I’ll see him as infrequently at sea as I did on land.

I pick up the wired phone and ring downstairs.

“Yeah, Boss?” Alejo says.

“Can you tell Morgan to come up?”

“Roger.”

A few minutes later, the stairs creak.

“You wanted me?” Morgan asks.

I swivel my chair to face him. He looks as tired as I feel, eyes puffy, dark circles underneath. Has he been crying?

“I’m worried about you. Are you okay?”

He pauses. “No. You?”

“Nope.”

He steps closer. “How’s your body treating you?”

“It’s not too bad. Just the usual.”

I can’t ask him to work on my knots. I mean, I could. He said he’d do it for me, that it doesn’t have to mean anything, but that was before he stopped fighting for me. He’s already done too much for me.

“I know things between us are complicated, but I’m proud of you,” he says. He spins my chair to the front and stands behind me.

“You didn’t even want me here.”

“Maybe I was wrong.” His tone turns teasing. “Or maybe I was right and it’s too soon to tell.” He massages my shoulders loosely.

“I didn’t call you up here for a massage.”

“I know.”

I exhale and relax into his touch. “I wish I could say that returning to the ocean changed something in me, like it did for my dad. But I’m the same Cole, except now I’m on a boat.”

Morgan laughs, small and short, the way he does when I say something funny without meaning to.

“You’re nothing like Dan, and you don’t need to change.” He squeezes the back of my neck and releases me. “You need to find your way back to who you are.”

“What if I can’t? What if what happened changed me for good?”

“You’re still Cole.”

We both fall silent as theBriarpierces through a five-foot wave. A blinking satellite crawls across the sky.

“It’s really hard being here without Seb,” I say. “But it’s the closest I’ve felt to him since he died.”