Page 87 of Endless Depths

“I want one too.” I kiss him, overwhelmed by the agony he suffered while he held my hand and waited for me to die.

He rests his forehead against mine. “I love you, my husband.”

Fresh tears spill down my cheeks. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, still joined with his.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just…” I swallow. “I didn’t think I’d ever hear you call me husband again.” I hug him to my chest, basking in the warmth and weight of him, well worth the pain licking at my lower back. “I never stopped being your husband. Even if we ended up divorcing, I would have remained your husband in spirit. I will always be your husband—until death, like you said.”

He rests his cheek on my chest and flattens his palm over my heart. “I promised you something similar that night.”

“In the gear room?”

“Yeah. I was worried you were in pain, but hanging on for me. I didn’t know if you could hear me.”

I shake my head. “I wish I could have.” I wish I had been willing to listen to him over the last year. He’s carried the burden of these memories with no one to share them with.

“I promised you I would send part of my soul with you, that we’d never truly be apart, and that you didn’t have to stay if you were in pain.” His voice breaks.

“I’m so sorry.” I stroke his hair and kiss the crown of his head to soothe us both. “You loved me so selflessly, while I’ve been nothing but selfish, hurting you over and over. I don’t know how you stand me.”

“Sunshine, I held you in my arms, fully believing you would die. I begged and bargained for another chance to spend the rest of my life with you.” He kisses me, tender and unhurried, retracing old paths, tasting the time we were apart. “I know you didn’t want to hurt me or Finn, and I know you’ll make it right. You lost so much when Seb died. You deserve forgiveness.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“I do.” He pushes onto his forearms and kisses me again.

I kiss him back, wordlessly apologizing, renewing the vows I broke, and adding more—I’ll never leave you again, never force you out of our home, never take your love for granted. I won’t hurt you anymore.

His hips undulate as he deepens the kiss. Seeking more friction, I angle my hips and haul him closer until our cocks collide and pleasure sparks down my length.

“Patience,” he murmurs into my neck, sandpaper stubble showering me with goosebumps. “I miss touching you.” He gently bites my neck, and licks. “Tasting you.”

I map the muscles in his back with my hands as he reclaims my mouth again, and rove my fingers through his wavy hair, so shiny and silken. When we part, I bury my nose in his hair and inhale the spicy bay rum in his conditioner.

“I miss playing with your hair,” I say.

“Mm. I missed that too.”

“It always soothed and calmed me, and made me jealous because my hair is boring.”

“It’s okay. You have other strengths.”

I laugh. “Fuck you.”

“Soon, but not until I’m done playing with you.”

He squeezes my pecs and rubs my nipples with his thumbs, then pinches them, drawing a hiss of pained pleasure from me. Instead of shrinking away, I arch my back to present my pecs to him, submitting fully to his punishment as he pinches and tugs and twists, then sucks one nipple into his mouth. His saliva rapidly evaporates in the cold air as he switches from one nipple to the other, nipping and sucking, fluttering his tongue against the tip.

“You’re torturing me.” I nudge his head away from my chest.

He relents with a soft laugh. “Sorry, not sorry.”

Lust transforms to loss as he kisses down the center of my chest, over my heart, and along each broken rib. Tears splash on my skin as he kisses the long scar down my midsection, and the laparoscopic scars surgeons scattered at random. By the time he reaches the scar wrapping around my bad hip, he’s weeping.

Is he lost inside the past again? “Hey. I’m here. I’m alive. I’m okay.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to you sooner,” he whispers, hiding his face against my stomach. “I wish I could have spared you this pain.”