“I did. It looks like you guys are having twins, which will mean more check ups for Ana,” the doctor replies.
I listen along to everything that the doctor tells us and, the next thing I know, we are walking out of there and I’m still completely speechless.
“Twins. This is crazy,” I whisper.
Ana steps in front of me and looks into my eyes.
“Are you okay? I know you were okay with one baby, but two babies will be a lot of work,” she says softly.
“I’m not going to leave because we have another addition to our family,” I tell her.
“Are you sure you are ready to be a family?” she asks, looking uncertain.
“Do you not want me to be part of the family?” I ask her. Now I’m feeling uncertain.
“Of course, I do. I just noticed you are holding back, and I don’t know why,” she says with tears forming in her eyes. Fuck. I don’t want to make her cry. Those tears are gutting me.
“I just want to be sure that this isn’t some experiment for you guys. That you guys won’t just up and decide you had your fun and have no need for me anymore. I was just trying to save myself the pain,” I explain.
I look at her, and then at Viking. They both look hurt by my words.
“Is that what you really think of us?” Ana whispers, sounding pained.
“If that’s how you really feel,brother,why are you bothering with us? We have told you and showed you repeatedly, yet you still can’t trust us that our feelings for you are genuine,” Viking snaps.
“I trust you. I just don’t want to get tossed aside,” I state.
Ana shakes her head sadly. “No, you don’t trust us. I thought a day would come where you would, but you won’t let us in.”
“I do,” I whisper with my voice cracking.
Viking scoffs, sounding like he’s getting angry. “You don’t fucking trust us. I told you a couple weeks ago to call me Maverick, yet I haven’t once heard it coming from your lips. We both know what I meant when I told you to call me that. You also haven’t let us call you by your birth name. You never had any trust in this, or us.”
Hurt laces through me at his words. I know he’s right. I knew the full meaning of those words when he told me to call him Maverick and, no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to call him that.
“You need to think about if this is what you really want. Maverick and I have shown and told you time and time again. There’s only so much we can do to convince you. It’s like you are keeping the door closed to yourself, and we are on the other side just asking you to open it,” Ana says with tears streaming down her face. She is looking at me with the heartbreak that I swore I would never put there.
“I do want you guys,” I start.
Ana shakes her head and wipes the tears off her face. “You can’t be half way in when we have twins on the way. It’s not fair to us or fair to them. If this isn’t what you want, then you need to decide that before they come. I won’t have someone in their life that’s just going to walk out.”
I start to open my mouth, but Viking cuts me off. “You need to think about it. Take some time. You know where we are when you make your decision.”
I swallow hard and nod my head.
I take off on my bike to clear my head and ride around for awhile.
I think about everything Ana and Viking said. I’m crazy about them. I know that for a fact.
Am I just going to let fear take over and cost me two of the greatest people in my life?
They have never once made me feel like I was an outsider looking in.
Everything that I am afraid of is in my own head.
I can’t lose them. I need to take the risk.
I know they are worth it.
