Page 48 of Lord of Justice

"Rude!" I lick it off my hand because it was an eleven-dollar drink. "So, we're shopping for a dress because this is Meet The Parents night?"

"Yep. Jeremy's folks are coming into town and I'm hoping they're bringing his grandmother's wedding ring. Now, stop trying to distract me! You're going to have to give me something," she complains. "You cannot undergo something this transformative and just tell me it was excellent."

"We agreed we wouldn't-"

"Fuck that!" Rose snaps. "You're riding the O Train on the daily and I'm demanding details! It is my right as your other half!"

My steps slow down as I marinate in guilt. It's rude to gloat and not give her something. Despite the fact that we're walking on a New York City block, no one bumps into us because ourbodyguards surround us, with Melina closest to me.

"Okay, but-" I look behind us and Av is looming over us. "Av, cover your ears."

He looks at me with the bleak resignation of a man who has been asked to do too many ridiculous things and puts his big paws over his ears.

Rose grips my arm and I don't know if she's aware that her nails are digging in but it's not comfortable. "I can tell this is going to be good. And I swear to god if you don't tell me right now, I am going to shave your head the next time you pass out drunk, which has happened more than once. The passing out part, I mean."

My whole body feels like it just stepped into a sauna, even my cheeks flush. I swear my temperature rises 10° just thinking about my husband and his magical dick. "Okay, but take your nails out of my arm, please. So, Andrey…" I clear my throat for a minute and try to shut down a giggle. "He has an enhancement."

Rose stops dead on the street and swings me around to face her. Our bodyguard cage closes in, so the poor innocent pedestrians bump off them instead of us. "Stop fucking around!" she hisses.

"Andrey has four pearls inserted under the skin of his dick!" I blurt and then slap my hand over my mouth. I can't believe I just said that out loud. I've never seen Rose's eyes open so wide and hergrip tightens again on my arm.

"You're lying to me.Pearls?Seriously?"

"Keep your voice down!" I look around our bodyguard fence, who are pretending not to hear us, although Melina has the slightest twitch of a smile playing on her lips. "No, he explained it to me." I pull on her arm so we can keep walking. "Russian nobility loved pearls. They decorated their clothes and furniture with them, and there's insane amounts of pearl jewelry dating back well over eight hundred years ago. All those Tsars even decorated their palaces with them.

"But it got really good when Tsar Alexis the Quietest took the throne in 1645. He had the royal physician insert three pearls under the skin of his dick, on the top so that it would rub against the G spot though I don't think they knew what a G spot was back then obviously, but apparently, he knew something because holy shit!"

"Heh…" Rose is incapable of offering more.

"Andrey heard about this and the rest is history."

"Well, shit. I guess he was called Tsar Alexis the Quietest because he was letting his dick do all the talking," Rose says.

We look at each other and break into uproarious laughter. A businessman with his cell phone glued to his ear looks at us disapprovingly, buttwo girls in waitress uniforms pass on the right side, winking, like they know exactly what we're talking about.

"I'm pretty sure Jeremy would pass out if I even suggested he get a piercing anywhere in the general area of his dick and your man just jumped to the front of the line. How have we never even heard of that? I thought we were experts!"

"I know, right?" I'm desperately downgrading my screechy laugh to the occasional hiccupping giggle. "You can never tellanyone.This stays between us. Sacred twin bond."

"Speaking of twins, you think Nikandr has them?" she asks.

I think about it, finishing my latte. "I don't think so. Caroline's not the type to be able to keep that in. I don't think any of the Morozov women could hold back a secret like that."

"Okay," she says decisively. "I totally see why you're a sex psychopath. You just can't stop jittering with all this nervous sexual energy. IfIhad those pearls at my disposal, I'd be riding them all day."

One of the bodyguards pulls open the door of Sak's Fifth Avenue and we're still trying to control our laughter as we head inside.

Rose is trying on the seventh dress and there's something wrong with every one of them. Too short, too tight, too princessey. And she can't let the pearl thing go, not that I can blame her.

"Wow, can you imagine how addicting that must be?" She turns so I can zip up the back of the dress. She surveys it for a moment. "No. Too pink." I unzip it and hang it up on the rack, picking out the next dress for her. She gives me a sly smile in the dressing room mirror. "No wonder all those girls have been boo-hooing to the media, huh?"

My gut clenches. "What girls?"

"You haven't seen these?" She pulls out her phone and taps on a gossip site, pulling it up for me. "I think this is the latest one," she says, handing it to me.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

The article has a picture of Andrey's blonde and statuesque "longtime girlfriend," which I know is bullshit because Andrey couldn't tolerate anyone for more than a date or two. "Bianca" boo-hoos through the article about how hetrulyloved her most and that he was forced to marry me for “family obligations.” She finishes up by tearfully saying, "Andrey, I will wait for you! Forever, as long as it takes."