And all I could do was stare at her as she walked out the door, feeling utterly deflated as I watched her vanish back to her life once more. It didn’t seem to matter how I tried to handle this,every time, I stumbled upon the exact way of saying something that would make it sound like I was patronizing her with all of this.
I thought about going after her, trying my best to explain what I had really meant by it, but I got the feeling it would only have made things worse. Try as I might, that’s all I seemed able to do, and it was driving me crazy that I couldn’t seem to get myself in hand the way I wanted to. She did something to me, flipped a switch in my brain that made it impossible to think straight, and as a result, I just kept on walking straight into more trouble than I could handle.
I locked the door once more. I was due to stay in town for another couple of weeks, and I just had to hope that I would manage to avoid her the rest of my stay here. Not because I didn’t want to see her, far from it, but because I knew that, if I did, I would likely somehow stumble into making a fool of myself just like I had done before, and that was the very last thing I wanted.
I flopped down on the bed, reaching out for the nearest book. Best thing I could do right now was lose myself to fiction. And hope that I could find a story that was a little better than my reality.
Chapter 6
Dina
"You sure you’re doing alright, Dina?”
Pam was leaning on the counter next to the grill, watching me as I scrubbed at the counters for what had to be the dozenth time that day. I lifted my head to look up at her, plastering a smile on my face in the hopes of passing for convincing this time.
"Yeah, I’m fine," I replied. "Why?"
"You’ve just seemed a little...quiet today, that’s all."
"It’s been busy," I pointed out. "I’ve had a lot to do."
"I get that," Pam replied, but she was still studying me, tapping her finger against her chin as though not convinced by what I was trying to sell her. And I knew I couldn’t sneak anything by this woman, try as I might. She knew me too well. We had worked together at the diner here for the better part of the last ten years, and she could always sense when there was something off, even when she was the last person I wanted to talk to about any of this.
Though, to be quite honest, I was hardly in any kind of rush to speak to anyone about what happened with Felix the other day. After he paid up our account at the store, I let my mom think that I was going to let it slide, take it as the act of kindness it was so clearly intended to be. But instead, as soon as we had gotten out, I had withdrawn nearly all the money in my account to pay him back.
And he had accepted the money, eventually. Or, at least, he had stopped trying to thrust it into my hand again, as he insisted that he didn’t want a cent of it. I got it, I really did, this money to him was nothing. He could hand it over and not have to think twice about it. But I knew all too well what it meant to be in debt to someone, I had seen what it had done to my father, and I had always promised myself that I wouldn’t let the same thing happen to me.
Maybe it was unfair. But I would never forget the long nights I spent as a kid, staring at the door to the living room, where light would spill out underneath till late into the evening hours. My father would sit up all that time, trying to figure out how to pay back the loans he had taken out because he had just been so sure that this was the investment that would allow him to break it big.
And I had sworn that would never be me. That I couldn’t let it be. It had consumed my father, eventually broken up his marriage to my mother, and he hadn’t been in my life for years now. Not that I wanted him here, given that I was pretty sure all he would do was try to guilt me into lending him money, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a part of me that wished I could have some kind of relationship with him that wasn’t so tainted by the debts he’d left us with.
But he had missed out on Danny growing up, on seeing the man he was becoming; on watching the weight finally lift from my mother’s shoulder as she began to relax again, the color returning to her cheeks. He had lost it all just so he could go andprove to himself that he really did know what he was doing, even if anyone with a brain could tell that it was a lie.
I would have told Felix all of that, I think, if it hadn’t been for the way he had phrased it. He talked to me like I was some kind of quaint charity fundraiser. He hadn’t meant it that way, I was sure, but it’s not something I could just shake off, as much as I might want to. Whenever I was around him, I knew that it would be hanging over the two of us, and I didn’t want him to have to deal with that any more than I did.
Mom had peppered me with questions when I had returned home afterwards, as we had unpacked the groceries together, trying to figure out a little more about this mystery man who had been so generous with us.
"You should have told me we had someone like that around!” she remarked. "Someone so willing to help out. You work too hard, Dina, you should take a bit more time off."
"I don’t need to do that," I replied firmly, as I stacked the boxes of pasta in the cupboard, gently nudging them till they formed a perfect line.
"Oh, come on, when was the last time you took two days off in a row?" she replied, planting her hands on her hips and looking at me pointedly. I hesitated before I answered, and she chuckled.
"See? You don’t even remember," she added, triumphant. "Whoever this is, I’d like to meet him. So I can thank him personally."
I could just picture how well the two of them would get on, how easily Felix would be able to charm her. No, that was the last thing I wanted to happen. As far as I was concerned, I was done with him, and I needed to keep him from getting even more entangled in my life.
"Yeah, maybe," I had replied, making sure not to commit to anything. My mom was always the kind to jump to conclusions, and no doubt she would be telling all her friends about this ifshe caught wind of the fact that I had been to dinner with the heir to a huge real estate empire. I didn’t want everyone in town knowing, thinking I was some kind of gold-digger. As much as I hated to admit it, my family’s money problems hadn’t exactly flown entirely under the radar, and I knew that would lead people towards certain conclusions, whether I liked it or not.
"You know, that’s us for the night," Pam told me, cutting through the little reverie I had been lost to.
"Oh, really? Already?"
"It’s nearly eleven," she pointed out. "It’s closing time. I’ve already locked up out front. You should be getting home."
"Oh, you’re sure there’s nothing else that needs doing around here?
I cast my gaze around, searching for something that might occupy me for another few moments before I had to go. I knew that it was silly, but I didn’t like the idea of being alone right now. I could only imagine how my mind would sink back in to thoughts of Felix, and I had done enough of that to last me a lifetime.
